The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F_ck

going to start crying at inappropriate times.
Let’s say the first layer of the self-awareness onion is a
simple understanding of one’s emotions. “This is when I feel
happy.” “This makes me feel sad.” “This gives me hope.”
Unfortunately, there are many people who suck at even
this most basic level of self-awareness. I know because I’m
one of them. My wife and I sometimes have a fun back-andforth
that goes something like this:
HER. What’s wrong?
ME. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.
HER. No, something’s wrong. Tell me.
ME. I’m fine. Really.
HER. Are you sure? You look upset.
ME, with nervous laughter. Really? No, I’m okay,
seriously.
[Thirty minutes later . . . ]
ME. . . . And that’s why I’m so fucking pissed off! He just acts as if I don’t
exist half the time.
We all have emotional blind spots. Often they have to do
with the emotions that we were taught were inappropriate
growing up. It takes years of practice and effort to get good
at identifying blind spots in ourselves and then expressing
the affected emotions appropriately. But this task is hugely
important, and worth the effort.
The second layer of the self-awareness onion is an ability
to ask why we feel certain emotions.
These why questions are difficult and often take months
or even years to answer consistently and accurately. Most
people need to go to some sort of therapist just to hear
these questions asked for the first time. Such questions are
important because they illuminate what we consider
success or failure. Why do you feel angry? Is it because you