Anna Karenina - LimpidSoft

PART ONE CHAPTER 10
“No, stop a minute, stop a minute,” he said. “You must understand that it’s a
question of life and death for me. I have never spoken to any one of this. And
there’s no one I could speak of it to, except you. You know we’re utterly unlike
each other, different tastes and views and everything; but I know you’re fond of me
and understand me, and that’s why I like you awfully. But for God’s sake, be quite
straightforward with me.”
“I tell you what I think,” said Stepan Arkadyevitch, smiling. “But I’ll say more:
my wife is a wonderful woman...” Stepan Arkadyevitch sighed, remembering his
position with his wife, and, after a moment’s silence, resumed–”She has a gift of
foreseeing things. She sees right through people; but that’s not all; she knows what
will come to pass, especially in the way of marriages. She foretold, for instance, that
Princess Shahovskaya would marry Brenteln. No one would believe it, but it came
to pass. And she’s on your side.”
“How do you mean?”
“It’s not only that she likes you–she says that Kitty is certain to be your wife.”
At these words Levin’s face suddenly lighted up with a smile, a smile not far from
tears of emotion.
“She says that!” cried Levin. “I always said she was exquisite, your wife. There,
that’s enough, enough said about it,” he said, getting up from his seat.
“All right, but do sit down.”
But Levin could not sit down. He walked with his firm tread twice up and down
the little cage of a room, blinked his eyelids that his tears might not fall, and only
then sat down to the table.
“You must understand,” said he, “it’s not love. I’ve been in love, but it’s not that.
It’s not my feeling, but a sort of force outside me has taken possession of me. I went
away, you see, because I made up my mind that it could never be, you understand,
as a happiness that does not come on earth; but I’ve struggled with myself, I see
there’s no living without it. And it must be settled.”
“What did you go away for?”
“Ah, stop a minute! Ah, the thoughts that come crowding on one! The questions
one must ask oneself! Listen. You can’t imagine what you’ve done for me by what
you said. I’m so happy that I’ve become positively hateful; I’ve forgotten everything.
I heard today that my brother Nikolay...you know, he’s here...I had even forgotten
him. It seems to me that he’s happy too. It’s a sort of madness. But one thing’s awful....
Here, you’ve been married, you know the feeling...it’s awful that we–old–with
a past... not of love, but of sins...are brought all at once so near to a creature pure and
innocent; it’s loathsome, and that’s why one can’t help feeling oneself unworthy.”
“Oh, well, you’ve not many sins on your conscience.”
“Alas! all the same,” said Levin, “when with loathing I go over my life, I shudder
and curse and bitterly regret it.... Yes.”
“What would you have? The world’s made so,” said Stepan Arkadyevitch.
“The one comfort is like that prayer, which I always liked: ‘Forgive me not according
to my unworthiness, but according to Thy lovingkindness.’ That’s the only way
she can forgive me.”
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