Anna Karenina - LimpidSoft

PART FOUR CHAPTER 23
Chapter 23
VRONSKY’S wound had been a dangerous one, though it did not touch the heart,
and for several days he had lain between life and death. The first time he was
able to speak, Varya, his brother’s wife, was alone in the room.
“Varya,” he said, looking sternly at her, “I shot myself by accident. And please
never speak of it, and tell everyone so. Or else it’s too ridiculous.”
Without answering his words, Varya bent over him, and with a delighted smile
gazed into his face. His eyes were clear, not feverish; but their expression was stern.
“Thank God!” she said. “You’re not in pain?”
“A little here.” He pointed to his breast.
“Then let me change your bandages.”
In silence, stiffening his broad jaws, he looked at her while she bandaged him up.
When she had finished he said:
“I’m not delirious. Please manage that there may be no talk of my having shot
myself on purpose.”
“No one does say so. Only I hope you won’t shoot yourself by accident any more,”
she said, with a questioning smile.
“Of course I won’t, but it would have been better...”
And he smiled gloomily.
In spite of these words and this smile, which so frightened Varya, when the inflammation
was over and he began to recover, he felt that he was completely free from
one part of his misery. By his action he had, as it were, washed away the shame and
humiliation he had felt before. He could now think calmly of Alexey Alexandrovitch.
He recognized all his magnanimity, but he did not now feel himself humiliated by
it. Besides, he got back again into the beaten track of his life. He saw the possibility
of looking men in the face again without shame, and he could live in accordance
with his own habits. One thing he could not pluck out of his heart, though he never
ceased struggling with it, was the regret, amounting to despair, that he had lost her
forever. That now, having expiated his sin against the husband, he was bound to
renounce her, and never in future to stand between her with her repentance and her
husband, he had firmly decided in his heart; but he could not tear out of his heart
his regret at the loss of her love, he could not erase from his memory those moments
of happiness that he had so little prized at the time, and that haunted him in all their
charm.
Serpuhovskoy had planned his appointment at Tashkend, and Vronsky agreed to
the proposition without the slightest hesitation. But the nearer the time of departure
came, the bitterer was the sacrifice he was making to what he thought his duty.
His wound had healed, and he was driving about making preparations for his
departure for Tashkend.
“To see her once and then to bury myself, to die,” he thought, and as he was paying
farewell visits, he uttered this thought to Betsy. Charged with this commission, Betsy
had gone to Anna, and brought him back a negative reply.
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