Testimonies for the Church Vol 1 - Lansing SDA Church

Feelings of Despair 31I cheerfully laid them down; he then opened the door and bade meenter. In a moment I stood before Jesus. There was no mistaking thatbeautiful countenance. That expression of benevolence and majestycould belong to no other. As His gaze rested upon me, I knew at oncethat He was acquainted with every circumstance of my life and all myinner thoughts and feelings.I tried to shield myself from His gaze, feeling unable to endureHis searching eyes, but He drew near with a smile, and, laying His [29]hand upon my head, said: “Fear not.” The sound of His sweet voicethrilled my heart with a happiness it had never before experienced.I was too joyful to utter a word, but, overcome with emotion, sankprostrate at His feet. While I was lying helpless there, scenes of beautyand glory passed before me, and I seemed to have reached the safetyand peace of heaven. At length my strength returned, and I arose. Theloving eyes of Jesus were still upon me, and His smile filled my soulwith gladness. His presence filled me with a holy reverence and aninexpressible love.My guide now opened the door, and we both passed out. He bademe take up again all the things I had left without. This done, he handedme a green cord coiled up closely. This he directed me to place nextmy heart, and when I wished to see Jesus, take it from my bosom andstretch it to the utmost. He cautioned me not to let it remain coiledfor any length of time, lest it should become knotted and difficult tostraighten. I placed the cord near my heart and joyfully descendedthe narrow stairs, praising the Lord and telling all whom I met wherethey could find Jesus. This dream gave me hope. The green cordrepresented faith to my mind, and the beauty and simplicity of trustingin God began to dawn upon my soul.I now confided all my sorrows and perplexities to my mother. Shetenderly sympathized with and encouraged me, advising me to go forcounsel to Elder Stockman, who then preached the advent doctrine inPortland. I had great confidence in him, for he was a devoted servantof Christ. Upon hearing my story, he placed his hand affectionatelyupon my head, saying with tears in his eyes: “Ellen, you are only achild. Yours is a most singular experience for one of your tender age.Jesus must be preparing you for some special work.”He then told me that even if I were a person of mature years andthus harassed by doubt and despair, he should tell me that he knew [30]