Testimonies for the Church Vol 1 - Lansing SDA Church

62 Testimonies for the Church Volume 1[64]confidence that surprised me. At such times I felt willing to do orsuffer anything in order to help others into the light and peace of Jesus.But it seemed impossible for me to perform this work that waspresented before me; to attempt it seemed certain failure. The trialsattending it appeared more than I could endure. How could I, a childin years, go forth from place to place, unfolding to the people the holytruths of God? My heart shrank in terror from the thought. My brotherRobert, but two years older than myself, could not accompany me, forhe was feeble in health and his timidity greater than mine; nothingcould have induced him to take such a step. My father had a familyto support, and could not leave his business; but he assured me thatif God had called me to labor in other places, He would not fail toopen the way for me. But these words of encouragement brought littlecomfort to my desponding heart; the path before me seemed hedgedin with difficulties that I was unable to overcome.I coveted death as a release from the responsibilities that werecrowding upon me. At length the sweet peace I had so long enjoyedleft me, and despair again pressed upon my soul. My prayers allseemed vain, and my faith was gone. Words of comfort, reproof,or encouragement were alike to me; for it seemed that no one couldunderstand me but God, and He had forsaken me. The company ofbelievers in Portland were ignorant concerning the exercises of mymind that had brought me into this state of despondency; but theyknew that for some reason my mind had become depressed, and theyfelt that this was sinful on my part, considering the gracious mannerin which the Lord had manifested Himself to me.I feared that God had taken His favor from me forever. As Ithought of the light that had formerly blessed my soul, it seemeddoubly precious in contrast with the darkness that now enveloped me.Meetings were held at my father’s house, but my distress of mind wasso great that I did not attend them for some time. My burden grewheavier until the agony of my spirit seemed more than I could bear.At length I was induced to be present at one of the meetings inmy own home. The church made my case a special subject of prayer.Father Pearson, who in my earlier experience had opposed the manifestationsof the power of God upon me, now prayed earnestly forme, and counseled me to surrender my will to the will of the Lord.