Backbiting - Islamic School System - Dawat-e-Islami

Backbiting – A Cancer in our Society 199Some sisters write ‘my husband or father does not have a job; they stay home all day andget into arguments’. Alternatively, they write ‘my mother-in-law or sister-in-law isoppressive towards me, my brother is a gambler, my sister eloped with someone, mybrother is in love with some girl, my son drinks, my daughter wears trendy clothes whichdo not conceal her body properly etc.’Instead of providing all the intricate details of your problem, it seems more appropriateto request for Du’ā in ambiguous words. For example, instead of saying that my son orhusband, or father is a gambler or an alcoholic, you could use words which neither revealthe identity of the person nor his evil practices like ‘one of my close relatives is involvedin some bad habit, please make Du’ā that he quits it’. Similarly, instead of saying ‘mydaughter or sister eloped with someone or is in love with someone’, you could requestfor Du’ā by saying ‘one of my relatives is involved in a habit which is inappropriate todiscuss, please make Du’ā for them’.The benefit of requesting in this manner is that you have not pinpointed the personinvolved in the evil act and thus you have eliminated all the venues leading to backbiting.Secondly, you safeguarded yourself from discussing their evil acts and avoided usingindecent language.If someone mentions an evil act or shortcoming of a particular person with the intentionto get the other to make Du’ā, then this does not constitute as sinful backbiting. Thisbackbiting would be considered sinful only when the shortcoming of the person ismentioned with the intent to degrade him.Proper method of discussing problems with a doctor or an ‘ĀmilAlthough it is permissible to discuss one’s issues and problems with a doctor or a Muslimspiritual healer [‘Āmil] with the intent of getting treatment, but if it is at all possible todiscuss the problem without pinpointing the suffering person, then one should opt forthat. For example, instead of saying ‘my son has the habit of drinking’. It is better to say‘one of my relatives has a habit of drinking’. If it is unavoidable to reveal the name orone’s own shortcomings then make sure that you reveal this information only to thedoctor or the ‘Āmil without any permissible cause, and no one else should hear or findout the details.