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CHAPTER FIVE
The Etiquette of Adoption
MICHAEL D. COLBERG
s a society we use etiquette to help create a set of expectations.
We like to know what to expect and we like to
Aunderstand the meaning behind people’s actions. Are we
being treated fairly? Are we being treated with respect? Are we at risk?
When used for the highest good, etiquette is meant to convey respect
and caring. When used in a more banal way, etiquette allows people to
hide behind normalized behaviors or rituals in order to avoid expressing
certain truths or unpleasant feelings. Although etiquette is intended,
I believe, to make the world a more pleasant and comfortable place in
which to live, there are times when we pay a high price for making
comfort a priority.
Understanding the role that etiquette plays in adoption helps us
to understand the complex nature of the word itself. The word “etiquette,”
which comes from the French word etiquette or “ticket,” can be
defined as “the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or
prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life.” Put
another way, etiquette is a set of behaviors that reflect established norms
meant to facilitate social interaction. Think of etiquette as outlining a
set of behaviors which, if followed, gain us a ticket enabling us to move
forward smoothly.
How does this apply to adoption? There are many forms of adoption,
each having its own unique set of characteristics and challenges.
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