seventh world of chan buddhism - Zen Buddhist Order of Hsu Yun

So Dad is allowed to get angry. It is then, while he is considering various ways to
execute his firstborn, that he sees Sonny walk towards the house.
If Dad is smart he will go down to the basement and avoid Sonny until his rage has
abated. (Physical removal is to outrage what a tourniquet is to a severed vein.) Dad should
go to the basement because, unfortunately, he can't go for a long drive since he doesn't have a
car anymore; and he can't go for a long walk because he is too ashamed to face anyone and
too afraid of being beaten or shot at. The victims were after all his neighbors. So the
basement or a closet is a good place to go at least until Sonny is safely sequestered in his
bedroom. Now is the time for Dad to try to get control of himself.
Incredibly, we gain control of ourselves at such times by resorting to those old clichés
that always leap so gracefully from our lips whenever we attempt to console someone else.
We have an extensive repertoire of sagacious remarks - some pro and some con on the very
same issue - which truly comfort and illuminate. (We should think of these sayings as balm
which the Self uses to heal anger or grief.) Dad should therefore reach down into himself and
withdraw for conscious consideration such maxims as: 1. There but for the grace of God, go
I. (Dad must remember all the times he drove when he was swacked. He got away with it.
Sonny wasn't so lucky.) 2. Boys will be boys. (This was a high school prom Sonny was
attending, not a meeting of the Security Council. He knew Sonny was a kid and kids by
definition are immature. Many adults promise to stay sober but still drink and drive. What
should he expect from a kid who is carried away by the excitement of his first formal dance?)
3. If you want to dance, you've got to pay the piper. (Nobody held a gun to Dad's head and
forced him to get Mom pregnant. That was his own idea. If he didn't want the burden of
raising children, he shouldn't have had any.) 4. You've got to take the bitter with the sweet.
(Sonny is not a bad kid. In fact, he's a pretty good kid. He's done a thousand things right.
True, this one thing that he's done wrong more than offsets the right things... but, after all, he
didn't plan to have the accident. He didn't harm anyone maliciously. He made a mistake.
Dad stood proudly by him in the good times. Can he abandon him in this time of shame?) 5.
I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet. (It could be worse. Sonny
could have been killed. The tears Dad's shedding could be shed over a coffin that contained
the remains of his pride and joy, that once and former great kid and namesake.) 6. Why pour
water on a drowning man? (What good would screaming at the boy or beating him
accomplish? It would only make things worse. A rift between him and Sonny won't get
either one of them out of the trouble they're both in. Think about what this has done to
Sonny's life. Give the kid a break, for God's sake!)
Dad finally begins to sympathize with Sonny. How is the boy going to face people?
Kids are so cruel. Dad can survive the notoriety. His friends and associates will pretend to
commiserate. They'll withhold criticism until Dad makes the mistake of criticizing one of
them for something. (Dad makes a mental note never to criticize anybody for anything ever
again.) But kids are different. They will torment Sonny about the accident for years to come.
Poor Sonny! He's got to face his victims and his friends. And he's as isolated in his guilt as
any human being can possibly be.
CHAPTER 12 RIGHT THOUGHT OR PURPOSE
S EVENTH W ORLD O F C HAN B UDDHISM
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