seventh world of chan buddhism - Zen Buddhist Order of Hsu Yun

On the Path we let our old relationships cool down. We have had enough of heated
bouts of jealousy, anger and passion. This cooling does not require that we ignore friends,
parents, spouses or children. It requires simply that we `let go'. With the obvious exception
of our own dependent children, we cease involving ourselves in other people's problems and
we cease letting them involve themselves in ours.
We can be available when we are truly needed; but we must be careful not to allow
ourselves to become providers of free labor, or of such professional services as are properly
furnished by psychologists, lawyers, interior decorators, marriage counselors, financial
consultants, and so on. Neither, of course, can we expect others to provide us with free labor
or other services.
We can be a good friend without daily chatter. We can be a good member of a
congregation without always volunteering for committee assignments or other work. As we
strive not to need or be needed, we disengage ourselves and cease to find our life's meaning
outside of ourselves.
People new to the Path often wince at what seems to be such emotional bloodletting.
Nobody, however, makes the ascent burdened with sentimental baggage. Nobody rises if his
spirit is tethered by familial ties.
Here is Jesus on the subject: "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and
mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot
be my disciple" (Luke 14:26).
Hate? The word is terrible. In Buddhism the metaphor is further exaggerated but in
the extension becomes somewhat more graspable: We say that we must "kill" those we love.
This destruction of personal relationships is clarified in the following exchange between a
novice and Chan master Deng Shan:
"Who must I slay?" the novice asks.
"All who live in your life must die," Deng Shan replies.
"But what about my parents? Must I kill them?"
"Who are they to be spared?"
"And you, Master. Must I slay you, too?"
"There's not enough of me left for you to get your hands on."
CHAPTER 12 RIGHT THOUGHT OR PURPOSE
S EVENTH W ORLD O F C HAN B UDDHISM
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