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“Was really uncomfortable at that time and felt hurt when all friends andrelatives ran away from me. What else to do other than just feel sad. Iwas feeling like I have come to the end of my life. I was extremely sadbecause you don’t know why all your friends ran away from you eventhough you honestly told them your situation. Everything changed afterthey knew about my status”(Male, 36yrs, Primary education, Heterosexual)“When I was admitted to the hospital, doctor told me I have HIV andeverything lah. Eventually I disagree with the doctor lah, make a mistake.I felt angry. At that moment, I couldn’t accept I have HIV and everything.I don’t know anything about HIV or AIDS…but I know the disease cankill you. Then, I was thinking I am going to die, what the heck, youknow. Physically nothing lah, only mentally and emotionally I wasaffected lah”(Male, 36yrs, Upper secondary education, DU)“When my father sent me to Pelangi, I was thinking of why my father leftme here. Why he doesn’t want me. During the first two days, I’m alonethere with all other race of people like Malays and Indians. Most of themin Pelangi are drug addicts. They treated me badly because I’m not one ofthem”(Male, 42yrs, Primary education, Heterosexual)“You will worry and think of the existing medicine can cure your sicknessor not. That’s the first thing come into my mind. Medicine treatmentaspects. Will there any method to cure my disease? Never think of die.Just fear of the money problem. Fear of no treatment can cure thisdisease. We have to personally learn how to face this kind of problem andother problems as well”(Male, 42yrs, Primary education, Heterosexual)“Buat pada permulaannya, saya memang tak dapat acceptlah, saya HIVpositif kan. Denial pada diri saya tu masih tinggi lagi lah”(“At the beginning, I cannot accept, I’m HIV positive. Denial in me is stillhigh”)(Male, 32yrs, Upper secondary education, DU)“I was losing a lot of weight. I just wanted to know what was wrong withme and they did the test. They told me that I was HIV positive. Ok, andat that time when they told me, I was like…devastated. I was devastated.The question was….Why me? It felt like a time bomb just dropping intomy lap and when I asked the doctor how many more years I had to live.The doctor told me and said that you only got seven years. So, that mademe worst. That made me becomes very self-destructive. I mean, in thatseven years, I tried to destroy myself. I have tried four times to commitsuicide and things like that because I was thinking, I mean what’s thepoint of living with the disease that you gonna die very soon”(Male, 50yrs, Upper secondary education)57