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“The first time I heard from the doctor that I was HIV positive, I feel sosad. It seemed to me that there is no future. I just want to die, but I cameto senses that one will die one day”(Male, 29yrs, Primary education, Refugee)“They told me myself….HIV positive. Then, I went in to see the doctor,he broke the news. That was the time when I really feel a bombshell. Ifeel so depressed right after I knew about the news. I was very depressed,very suicidal, you know and then I got angry with my son, angry with mydaughter for getting pregnant without a husband”(Female, 54yrs, Lower secondary education, SW)“Ya, saya disahkan HIV positif. Masa tu saya tak tahu macam mana sayabuatkan. Yang cuma tahu saya fikir nak mati dan saya taka da semangatnak hidup lagi. Nak hidup lagi and then saperti mana kawan-kawan yangduduk dengan saya mula menjauhkan diri daripada saya. Tak apa. Diaorang taka da pengetahuan tentang HIV. Yang dia orang tahu HIV bolehmerebak. Itu saja. Kemudian, saya berpindah ke tempat lain. Lagimakin lama, kesihatan badan saya down”(“Yes, I am diagnosed with HIV positive. At that time, I don’t know whatto do. All I know is, I thought of wanting to die and I don’t have the willto live anymore. When I’m resolved to live and then…like my friendswho sit next to me begin to stay away from me. Never mind. They don’thave knowledge on HIV. All they know is HIV can spread. That’s all.Then I moved to other place. As time passes by, my health goes down”)(Transgender, 40yrs, Lower secondary education, SW)Among women who are infected by their spouse or partner, they feel betrayed andcheated. Some of the women found out of their HIV status only when they went for theirpregnancy check up.“Apabila saya tahu yang saya ada penyakit, saya sangat susah. Macamtidak boleh terima apa dia buat. Hari itu, saya sudah tanya dari manalaki saya dapat penyakit ini kan. Dia ada seksual dengan perempuanluar. Start hari itu, kita punya kasih sayang pun tidak macam dulu.Sepatutnya, kita sebagai isteri kita harap laki kita jujur dengan kita. Tapisebaliknya, dengan tiba-tiba saja kita tahu yang laki kita tidak jujur samasaya. Kalau tidak melibatkan isteri tak apa. Ini, isteri pun kena denganperbuatan yang dia buat. Itu yang paling sedih sekali”(”When i found put that i have illness, I’m very sad. Like...cannot acceptwhat he has done to me. The other day, I asked where did my spouse getthis illness from. He has sexual relationship with other women. From thatday onwards, our love for one another has change, unlike before. By right,as a wife, we hope that our husband is honest with us. On the contrary…,suddenly we found out that our husbands are not honest with us. If it hasgot nothing to do with us, never mind. But this…, as wife, got it due to hisdeed. This is the most upsetting”)58