978-1572305441

100 A MIND APART
Santa’s knee. We’re aware of the difference between the fantasy and the
reality; we know we are playing a game, can be uncomfortable with it,
but go along all the same. The residents too know this is a game but are
happy and thrilled just the same. Their social naiveté saves them from
the cynicism that we so often feel.
What is most astonishing about the whole experience is the opportunity
to watch the residents exchange gifts among themselves. This
usually occurs during the quiet moments after Santa has finished handing
out his presents. There is genuine pleasure in this simple act of
exchange. One resident gives another a set of Laurel and Hardy tapes
because the recipient so loves these comedians and often replays entire
episodes of the films in his mind, scene for scene. Another gives his
friend a special edition of LIFE magazine filled with photographs from
the last decade. The gift is inexpensive, but since the recipient loves
magazines and old photos, the present could not be more appropriate.
What is astonishing is the thought that goes into the choosing of such
gifts. There is no sense of embarrassment that these gifts might be considered
eccentric by others or might reflect peculiar tastes. The choice
of gift shows a real awareness of the other’s interests. Often when I buy a
gift I have to be careful not to buy something that I covet for myself.
Buying a present for another can be a vicarious way of buying for oneself.
For people without a fully developed theory of mind (see Chapter
5), the residents’ ability to buy presents that another person will truly
appreciate and enjoy is impressive. Given the difficulties in empathy
that people with ASD experience, the giving of gifts is a major accomplishment
for these residents. These are enormous gains if seen from
the perspective of the disorder, but perhaps tiny and insignificant if seen
from the view of the uncomprehending public. Is it the same kind of
empathy that we feel when we try to think of a present for another person,
a loved one? Surely the test of that is the appropriateness of the
gift, its success in making the receiver grateful and happy, and in making
sure the gift has no hidden strings or is not intended to convey a
hidden message. A gift from a person with ASD is simply a gift, nothing
more, nothing less. And the simple giving of gifts is surely one of the
hallmarks of being truly human.
The contrast between their childlike behavior sitting on Santa’s
knee and the maturity of adult friends exchanging presents in an atmosphere
of genuine intimacy is remarkable. Questions like those raised
by Sean and Melody bring up others, of course, about the nature of this
seemingly adult behavior. Is this real and genuine intimacy? I decide