978-1572305441

156 A MIND APART
stances, become apparent. Once the perspective of the child is taken, all
kinds of alternatives present themselves to parents and teachers, and
either the recourse to disruptive behavior is avoided or else the adult
helps the child find other means to satisfy that need. I remember one
child who had a problem of spitting in the most inappropriate places,
especially the principal’s office. We could think of no way to get him to
stop until we gave him some gum to chew. He preferred the gum to spitting.
Another boy was particularly sensitive to loud noises and would
scream whenever somebody in the neighborhood pulled out a chain
saw and started sawing. The only thing that prevented the screaming
was to put headphones on him and play tapes of his favorite TV shows.
These are examples of providing alternatives to sensory stimulation that
can be so disruptive of day-to-day functioning.
Sometimes I wistfully imagine receiving a dime for every time
somebody has said to me, “His aggression is entirely unprovoked.” That
only tells me that people are not looking in the right places. There is
always a reason for disruptive behavior. It’s just that the reason may be
idiosyncratic. It may be a transition that has gone unnoticed, a new
smell in the classroom, a picture hanging crooked on the wall, any
change in routine or the environment that causes anxiety and distress,
an inability to express oneself in any other way, a social interaction that
has gone awry. But unless we put ourselves in the shoes of the child, we
will not be able to see this transition or this aspect of the physical and
social environment as stressful. To compensate for the child’s difficulties
in theory of mind, we have to develop a hypertrophied theory of both
our mind and the child’s mind. We have to be able to infer the child’s
state of mind even though the child may not be able to infer ours.
Up until the suspension, Ernest was making slow but steady progress
in school and was gradually becoming more comfortable with the
other children. He no longer avoided them, but accepted their help in
crafts and during lunch. He would look at his teaching assistant when it
was time to go to the sandbox in anticipation of a fun activity. He was
able to transfer his proficiency in blackjack from the computer to playing
with his teaching assistant. She was most impressed with his ability
to count to twenty-one! These were all considerable achievements. But
his communication skills were not progressing as rapidly as his social
skills. To suspend him then made little sense; it deprived him of his
only treatment option, a treatment to which he was entitled. Obviously
his aggression was not acceptable. But it is easy to see why it occurred
and how it could have been avoided. Ernest had few communication