Speculum - University of Melbourne

SPECULUM 99
What would you do if a girl came up and
kissed you?
Kiss her back.
What if she was a tall girl?
Mirandy: "Silas, tomorrow is our 50th
wedding anniversary. What shall we do?"
Silas: "Let's celibate."
*
What is the difference between egg and
beetroot?
You can beat an egg.
1st Physio: I was out with a member of
the football team last night.
2nd Physio: In what position does he
play?
1st Physio: Think I'd tell?
* * *
Her will was strong—but her won't was
weak.
* * *
Meteorologist: Someone who can look
into a girl's eyes and tell weather.
* * *
"What does your husband think of
UNO?"
"He thinks of nothing else."
Patient c/o pain on passing a motion
down the back of his legs.
*
She's descended from 'a long line her
mother listened to.
* * *
PASSION: A feeling you feel when you
are about to feel a feeling you have never
felt before.
*
*
SPINSTER: A woman who remains
single for the same reason that most men
remain single.
Women's desires in every age and country
are an eternal struggle between admitted
desire to dress and the unadmitted desire to
undress.
—Chinese Proverb.
*
Once upon a girl I had a time-
*
Anatomy Tutor: "What do you know
about the fillet?"
Student: "It commences in the medulla.
and runs up to the third ventricle, where it
defaecates."
If all the students who go to sleep in lectures
were put end to end, they would be so
much more comfortable.
* * *
Treatment for a peptic ulcer:
Sack boss, double salary, divorce wife,
drown kids.
Pathology Report on a completely tapped
pleural effusion: Specimen inadvertently
dropped—please repeat.
* * *
House Detective: He who strikes when
the eye'ins hot.
* *
One of the reasons for the decreasing
severity of syphilis these days is that the
world's population is becoming more
syphilised.