Speculum - University of Melbourne

22 SPECULUM
and miss m. c., and melville (who looks like
a stathew)
also there's morley, mister a. a. — looks
ominous
we're certain it means alcoholics anonymous.
P is for pead and pohl and miss pickle
good old george has at last found out where
to tickle.
Q, have we got one? yes ronald the quirk,
a man who has worked out a good solid lurk.
R is for rogers old percy the stan,
marvellous what marriage can do for a man,
and also for rose mister p. n., it seems
got an oral infection from a rather damp
dream.
miss rubinstein too her name starts with R,
now that's enough chum we can't go too far.
S stands for scott, shen and st. john
they're willing and ready when anything's on,
and also there's sutherland, his riding's
improving,
when he turns the pedals those three wheels
are moving.
and syme too, there's talent in our little
rodney,
his feats of skill are quite extra-odney.
T stands for tung mister kenneth s. k.
W for wong, two beers and he'll pay.
Y is for yeung, I'm sure that he will bend,
and Z is for zoo where we'll all probably
end.
FIFTH YEAR
Once again the time for slander has
arrived.
We salute those who became engaged or
married, or who added to their progeny.
We also congratulate anyone who feels
that he (or she) deserves congratulation.
Unfortunately the exams are nearly upon
us, the lines are beginning to show beneath
our make-up, the solo "schools" are closing
down, but only a few are turning to Russian
roulette.
W.C., who has always been noted for the
fact that whenever duty or otherwise
keeps you back at the hospital after hours
he is there, too, now carries Cecil and Loeb
on his nocturnal rounds. For purposes of
identification for those who don't know
them, Cecil is the one in the middle.
G. M. startled us all when he asked the
Professor regarding complications of ganglion
blockers, whether "impotence was a
problem in females"!
Has anyone done a series? Only statistically
significant numberS will be accepted.
One of the older students reports that he
was having some trouble doing a pelvic in
G.O.P. The keen nurse who was standing
by came to his rescue by telling the patient,
"Just relax and take some deep breaths,
dear; imagine you are at the pictures."
Undoubtedly she had some continental film
in mind!
By the way, the latest thing in arterial
grafts acording to a usually unreliable
source is nylon underpants. We recommend
them for replacing the aortic bifurcation
in elephants, taking care to insert them
the right way up!
If certain students continue their idiosyncracies
one can expect on the first day of
"finals" that Alf. will be half an hour late,
Ken will insist he read that they were to be
held on top of the I.C.I. building, Gad. will
fall asleep, Oscar will ask at least one question,
Big Jim will compose a ditty, Boydie
& Co. will bring a pack of cards, and Les.
will bring a woman.
It is the writer's duty to share some tips
he has received. In medicine, there is
bound to be a question on one of the -oses,
or -itides, or possibly the -opathies.
In surgery, remember that tumours of the
left testicle are very much in the public eye.
A good obstetrical question is: Write an
essay on labour and the liberal obstetrician,
or vice versa, or just vice.
To bring up a cheerful point, contact with
the nursing staff has been maintained at the
traditional low level—one foot below the
umbilicus.
However, complaints have been made
that some chaps have been doing all the
work, so we extend a plea for a more even
distribution of weight on everyone's shoulders.
Finally, chaps, if you remember nothing
else, remember that passing flatus, if artful,
is always more rewarding than passing
exams!
*
There was a young lady of Trent,
Who said she knew what it meant
When men asked her to dine,
Gave her cocktails and wine,
She knew what it meant, but she went.