Speculum - University of Melbourne

SPECULUM 91
Gallup pole clerk visiting Mexican housewife,
with dozens of children with a high
percentage of duplicates:
"Do you always have triplets and twins,
Signora?"
She gravely replied that, many times she
had nothing at all.
* * *
Pity the elephant who has a miscarriage
after 23 months.
*
Tutor, demonstrating a scrotal swelling:
"Right, who's to set the ball rolling by
examining this first?"
* * *
A Fourth Year thought the causative
organism of gonorrhoea was Koch's bacillus.
* * *
Lecturer on Hypospadius: "There's no
need to do a plastic operation when the
urethral opening is near the base of the
glans; after all, you don't have to gild the
lily."
As a physio. staggered out of her examination
a nearby Med. Student remarked:
"Looks as though she satisfied her examiner!"
* * *
And then there was the bright young
thing who wouldn't travel underground because
she was afraid of tubal pregnancies.
* * *
Abortion: From Papua and New Guinea
Medical Journal.
The practice of abortion is not uncommon,
the instrument used is the stalk of a
small plant, stripped of bark, the tip being
rubbed with a species of onion or ginger
plant. The same plant is believed by the
Natives* to be efficacious as an oral abortifacient.
The death of six women over the last
thirty years is attributed the complications
arising out of this practice.
*NATIVES—the inhabitants of Omu, a
Papuan Highland Village.
* * *
Woman at Gynaecology: "My husband
always wants to be on top."
Did you hear of the dear old soul who
denied ever having a pelvic examination,
but who confessed that her doctor performed
a digitalis examination on her? No doubt
he used a foxglove.
* * *
The Bishop said that in most circumstances
adultery should be condomed.
—Newspaper report.
* * *
At a Gynae Clinic—
Stud: "Sir, is it true that in every packet
of twelve quondongs, one is a dud?"
Tutor: "Good heavens, boy—that's a
fruit."
FRUITS OF LOVE, NO DOUBT.
* * *
Then there was the W.R.A.A.C. who
was given a medical discharge because she
was hit by a guided muscle.
* * *
An Eccentric Architect: A gentleman who
has his house made upside down.
* * *
Heard during a conversation on contraception:
"We'll get on all right—my wife's got it all
sewn up!"
* * *
Kept Woman: One who wears mink all
day and fox all night.
* * *
There was general assent when the immunology
lecturer suggested we should use
prophylactic covers more often.
* * *
Wally had a little mump,
His neck was large and tender,
He did not think so small a lump
Would rob him of his gender.
* * *
He was chewing on a splinter of wood
and watching the moon come up lazily out
of the cemetery in which nine of his daughters
were lying, only two of whom were
dead.
—From "Let Your Mind Alone,"
by James Thurber.