Speculum - University of Melbourne

SPECULUM
81
ROYAL MELBOURNE HOSPITAL
THIRD YEAR
In November we arrived at RMH
60 eager bods, complete with brand new
guessing tubes and horrible hangovers after
Alan's party.
Seen in viscerectomy ward: Don puts on
white gown before assisting at P.M. Can't
find the sleeves; then recognises the shroud,
still cold from the bod — shroud hastily
discarded.
Pixie managed to get a sore back under
very suspicious circumstances. The RMH
orthopoedic surgeons discovered a 13th rib
to account for his symptoms — but we
suggest they didn't take a very careful
history!
After Christmas, we returned full of
happiness, only to be confronted by the
Pharmacy exam and the arrival of Ross
Winton. However, we battled on gamely.
At a certain ding at Brighton, Jim Wearing
Smooth demonstrated what a REAL
alcohol tolerance is like — "the trouble
with this party is there's not enough serious
drinking" — HURK (I never did —Ed.)
We still haven't found out who was responsible
for pushing Abdul over the cliff while
he was having a leak.
Pete Guy, the noted cloacologist and originator
of the joke about the elephant's fart,
woke up at RMH the morning after the
Med. Dinner, to find a blonde in the bed
beside him. Luckily, he realised before he
attacked that it was Ron Q. (4th year) —
also recovering.
"Mack", carrying on a dirty affair with
"Stinky", looks none the worse for wear.
We can't say the same for Stru, ("Whenever
I get drunk something awful happens") —
better get home quick, Wendy.
Naturally, the activity most popular
(besides the other one) is solo—practiced
every day to the strains of Alf's "haw haw"
and Ross' acromegalic antics.
Sandy must take the prize for pursuing
the greatest number of females. At the time
of going to press he is chasing one of the
pathological girls — which goes to show,
he does have a morbid interest in the subject.
"There can be no happiness within this
circle of flesh."—Sir Thomas Browne.
Either Don, John and Henry haven't read
these lines before, or are claiming workers'
compensation. Anyway, they are engaged
— congratulations, fellers.
So with only a few more glorious weeks
before the exams, its extract digitalis and
back to Payling Wright and Jawetz.
FOURTH YEAR
A, is for anderson a female she-masher;
B, is for bennetts a well-known spine basher;
and also for baird whom on since being wed
has removed his address to a large double
bed.
brown, burke and burr a trio so regal
congrats to you ian, now make it all legal,
mister bleakley, sweet denny, and boyum
miss c.
are the last (thank harry) of the packet
of b(s).
C, is for chan miss m, m, and 1
who dresses to kill and does very well,
and also for cocks that boy who plays rugger
and also for cooper (who mentioned that
b . . .r).
D's for de voogd who's become supercharged
he's spent all the year on becoming delarged.
F's for fitzpatrick miss j. d. i fear,
who certainly is miss take it from here.
G. is for goldstein whose thoughts of hard
yacka
are a bed, a bottle and a blonde for our
jacka.
H is for ham mister r. p. i wonder
if there's a car in this world that dick ain:t
been under,
and also for howell, a second don juan
at least he is learning, our versatile euan;
and jonathan also, that's our mister hurst
has read ovid and kinsey and now is quite
versed.
K (don't be filthy) can be only klug
an exponent indeed of the bed and the mug,
and also there's frank whose surname is
(wot the heck)
ah yes i remember, his surname is kopeck.
L is for leow and lipton and loh,
as quiet as they come not as quiet will
they go.
M is for madill miss b. j. and mathew