Speculum - University of Melbourne

SPECULUM 79
play as they had to swot (which shows
what a corrupt faculty this is).
"On the field, captain DANNY
CZARNY used the rugby tackles he
learned at school and brilliant marking
by ANDY BURGESS and determined
ruck work by GEOFF VAUGHAN were
highlights of the games.
"Credit must be given to the plucky efforts
of back pocket CARROL MAJOR who
came through 'like a tank' every time.
"We won three out of four games, losing
narrowly to Ag. Sc. (through lack of
supporters, we claim) but defeated Architecture
and Dentistry soundly and simply
walked all over Engineering."
Thirty three of us (including six of the
long-haired variety) got indoctrinated into
Med. Dinners . . . Phewhh! The brave types
were Lois, Keay (the gal who oralled her
demo that a femur was a humerus), Marlene
(who throws good parties), Renee, Elizabeth
and (clued-up) Sylvia. And, incidentally,
for those who didn't attend the Dinner, get
Bob (who attended very strongly) to tell you
the one about the wallaby.
To add to our tribulations, Ian got us all
shot (Salk-wise) but we evened the score by
nominating him as guinea-pig when mad,
electric-needle-bearing scientist wanted a
feature player for his T.V. show "The Biceps
Blips Ballet".
This year's Pansyism (for the benefit of
other readers):
PANSY: What else is a criterion for living,
as against non-living?
DARRYL: The ability to reproduce.
PANSY: Yeah? Well what about the mule?
(Apparently mule seeds aren't any
good).
DARRYL: Yes, but the mule does reproduce
at the cellular level.
PANSY (disgustedly): Yeah, but there isn't
much fun in that.
A small boy was asked by his father what
he would like for his birthday.
"A baby sister," he replied.
"But it's only two weeks to your birthday,
and that doesn't leave much time."
"I know. But can't you put more men on
the job?"
SECOND YEAR
The year started off quite well, when Prof.
Trikojus informed us all that "This is NOT
a penal institution!". Suitably assured we
forged our way ahead, forging biochem.
results, physiology experiments and anything
else which needed slight assistance in obtaining
a correct result. Early decease in
Mammalian was always treated with glee,
as the experimenters had the rest of the day
off. In respiration prac. one student faithfully
recorded in his prac. book that he
"became so anoxic that during the resultant
mental derangement he mislaid his kymograph
tracing".
In clinical biochemistry, after a term of
collecting urine samples, two students have
set up conditioned reflexes and are unable
to even walk past a flask without stopping
to micturate in it.
Saturday morning lectures are enough to
make us all throw the Course in and start
Law, but somehow we all manage it by 9
a.m. — even if Dick S. is still in pyjamas.
Sammy R. often doesn't manage it on time
— probably because he is suffering from
"Testicula Amorosa".
Darrel, Drippin and Put missed out at
Marysville but the last two are making up
for it. Clive took over Darrel's job as year
rep. Jacky W. hasn't been able to put on
another display because Clive refuses to
organise sherry parties.
Shaw R. and Rex B. can both vote now.
The occasions were celebrated in the usual
way. Although it is difficult to get anyone
to divulge information to their press representative,
rumour has it that Jerry G. is
married, and that both Buck and Shagger
are engaged. Our biochem. graduate is also
engaged (be careful of him Margaret!). No
one admits that they are expecting, although
so far this year two gentlemen have been
looking rather worried.
Roger B. did a good job with the S.R.C.
Review. Here. still plays billiards (both
types). Mal D. tells us that judo is good
for you. Ted F. and Beppo don't room
together in college any more, but Ted insists
that he did not break it off (unlike the Eskimo's
girl friend). Warwick G. spent a few
weeks in hospital, but he is now quite well