Speculum - University of Melbourne

SPECULUM 75
The Stately Homes of Carlton
Tune: Stately Homes of England.
The Stately Homes of Carlton
Have blue lights at the gate.
The public's always welcome,
You never have to wait.
As long as your money is in your hand,
You'll find that an evening can soon be
planned
With a tasty little dish.
You can choose between brunette, redhead
or blonde,
Any sort you wish.
The Stately Homes of Carlton
Have every kind on hand.
From passionate to frigid,
The best in all the land.
As long as the Medical Faculty boasts
A dozen virile men,
We'll fight for the Stately Homes of Carlton.
The Stately Homes of Carlton
Supply the students' needs.
And if you pay us promptly,
We'll give you back your tweeds.
For only a little extra,
You can see what the other patrons do
Through a peep-hole in the wall.
You would be surprised at who you'll see
in there;
Lecturers and all!
The Stately Homes of Carlton
Have lots of girls on tap,
And if you stick to us, sir,
You'll never get the clap.
The spirochaete just isn't see here,
Which is one more reason why
We'll fight for the Stately Homes of
Carlton.
The Stately Homes of Carlton
Are in the public eye,
As long as there are men, sir,
The sport will never die.
Though ministers may denounce us,
And policemen may pursue us,
We shall be sure to have our way.
While our girls remain as lovely as they are,
The customers will pay.
The Stately Homes of Carlton
Are vital to the land,
For if they were not with us
Just think of the demand.
With knot holes and post-holes and keyholes
We should occupy our time,
So we're proud of the Stately Homes of
Carlton.
The Stately Homes of Carlton
Are never at a loss;
For if our girls don't please you,
We'll let you have the boss.
Although it's not customary,
We could probably fix you up
If you would prefer to have a male.
Or if you require a little boy, or dog,
We shall never fail.
The Stately Homes of Carlton
Have always been discreet,
You'll find us close and handy
Up every little street.
Except for a murder once in a while,
Your safety is assured,
So we'll fight for the Stately Homes of
Carlton.
—Ron Quirk.
All This And A Degree Too
Tune: "Whoopee"
Another year
You're in the ward,
The teaching's started
Don't look so bored;
You're in the clinics
Amongst the cynics,
Some call you Doctor.
You palpate hearts
And auscultate,
You heard the murmurs?
By George you're great;
But then a voice said
That patient's long dead,
Send for a doctor.
The setting's bright and airy
Between the long white walls,
Be careful that the fairies
Don't souvenir your .. .
Seeing patients
Alive and dead,
They're stuffing seaweed
Into your head;
But just remember
When you're an ember,
They called you Doctor.