Speculum - University of Melbourne

96 SPECULUM
Phthirus pubis infestation: "Crabs", or
the patter of little feet over the private
parts.
*
• *
Then there was the disillusioned nurse
at The Women's who decided to do midwifery
the practical way—find a man and
wait nine months.
* *
*
The poor nurse wasn't very bright. She
always got things back to front. Sister gave
out her orders and returned later to find the
patient writhing in agony.
"Please, Nurse, I said to prick the
patient's boil."
* * *
Newly wed honeymooning in Katoomba
wired his boss: "Please grant extension on
holiday. It is wonderful here."
Boss wired back: "Return at once. It's
wonderful anywhere."
Confucius he say:
(1) Boy and girl go camping together
sure to have naughty intent.
(2) Girl sit on jockey's knee and get hot
tip.
(3) Girl runs faster with pants up than
man with pants down.
* *
*
Some men are bachelors because they
failed to clutch their opportunity.
* * *
Overheard at Royal Park:
"I feel so bad I often think of killing myself."
"Now, now, you leave that to us."
* * *
Patient: "I'm thirsty."
Nurse: "I'll bring you a glass of water."
Patient: "I said thirsty—not dirty."
*
"Changing a tyre?"
"No, I just get out every few miles and
jack up the car to give it a rest."
* * *
Nurse: "Do you know what they're saying
about me?"
R.Q.: "Yeah, that's why I came over."
Visitor: "Where are the monkeys?"
Zoo Keeper: "In the back making love."
Visitor: "Would they come out for peanuts?"
Zoo Keeper: "Would you?"
* * *
The father of a student in Casualty paid
his son a surprise visit at 1 a.m. He banged
on the Students' Quarters' door. A voice
from the window above yelled: "What d'ya
want?"
"Does Will Carter live here?"
A tired voice answered: "Yeah, dump
him on the porch."
* *
*
Mark Antony: "I want to see Cleopatra."
Servant: "She's in bed with laryngitis."
Mark Antony: "Damn those Greeks."
* * *
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack jumped over the .. .
Jack walks differently now.
* * *
"But that's not our baby."
"Shut up; it's a better pram, isn't it?"
* * *
"What do you do all day?"
"Hunt and drink."
"What do you hunt?"
"Drink."
* *
*
Doc.: "Do you dribble at all?"
Patient: "Half and half."
Doc.: "Oh! Half on one shoe and half on
the other."
From a Case History at The Women's:
"Not particularly bright—quite likes it."
* * *
In the days of good Queen Bess 'tis said
some of the ladies liked to curl up with a
good book, whereas others used to prefer
to curl up with one of the pages.
* * *
Parked car, moonlight night, AND
ABDUL.
"Goodness, it's three o'clock. I should
have been in hours ago!"
"So should I," he said disgustedly.