Speculum - University of Melbourne

SPECULUM 95
e
y
Girl's voice heard during a blackout:
"Take your hand off my leg! No, not you
. . . YOU."
She: "Do you want to see where I was
operated on?"
He (eagerly): "Yes!"
She: "Well, we're just two streets from
the Hospital."
* * *
For Sale, Two Alsatian Puppies, Prize
winning parents—BOTH MALES.
J. S.: "What actually is a venereal disease,
sir?"
Dr. T.: "A disease contracted pursuing
the avocations of Venus."
* * *
Dr. T. on the pathology of the female
reproductive system: "I'm not at all familiar
with this field"— and the man's married!
* * *
Pathology Notes : Penis: Early circumcision
is a good prophylactic.
???
* * * * * *
A girl doesn't need a speedometer to
know what her boyfriend is driving at.
The girl who knows all the answers learnt
them from going around with the fellows
who ask all the questions.
* * *
FROM A DIARY.—Up at 8. Felt a
little seasick, so took two pills. Passed an
iceberg at 10.
THESE MODERN PURGES!
* * *
Old Lady: "I suppose you and your husband
worry a lot because you don't have
any children after having been married three
years."
Young Lady: "Oh, yes. We've spent
many a sleepless night because of it."
* * *
A married couple were sleeping peacefully
when the wife suddenly shouted out
in her sleep. "Good heavens! My husband!"
The husband, waking suddenly, jumped
out of the window.
* * *
Heard in a blackout: "These zippers save
a lot of time."
* * *
She was only a butcher's daughter, but
oh, what calves!
* * *
Parked outside the Women's Hospital:
van with sign on top announcing "Speedy
Delivery".
Prof. R. on epidemiology:
"Anti-natal care is an application of prevention."
* * *
A medical survey made several years ago
in Melbourne set out to determine why men
get up in the middle of the night.
ONLY 2.4 per cent. had an evacuation
problem.
A MERE 1.6 per cent. prowled the refrigerator
for the midnight snack,
BUT THE OTHER 96 PER CENT.
GOT UP TO GO HOME.
* * *
Little nips of whisky,
Little nips of gin,
Make the ladies wonder,
WHERE THE HELL THEY'VE BIN.
* * *
She was only a telegraphist's daughters,
but how she DIDIT, DIDIT, DIDIT.
* * *
I'm going to have a little one,
Said the nurse so gay and frisky,
But the med-stude upped and fainted,
BEFORE HE KNEW THAT SHE
MEANT WHISKY.
* * *
I like blondes platinum,
With fatinum,
For patinum.
* *
A formal old girl called Wisteria,
Once fell in a fit of hysteria,
When a man in besottage,
Got into her cottage,
And stained her Victorian Interior.