Speculum - University of Melbourne

SPECULUM 85
THIRD YEAR
ST. VINCENT'S HOSPITAL
1. 26 hand-picked students and George
arrived stary-eyed at St. V.'s, and obeying
the injunction of one far more senior than
they that "This is the last . . . holiday you
will ever have," quickly settled down to a
varied programme of solo, picnic races and
the Carlton Club Hotel.
2. At this stage George was already investigating
the raptures of astrocytomata,
Raynaud's disease and disseminated lupus.
3. It was about this time, too, that we
noticed amongst our number from time to
time two errant characters named, it is believed,
"Dave and Sandy" (or is it Mabel?).
However, we have on good authority that
their meanderings are not entirely confined
to St. V.'s.
4. Congrats to Vip on his engagement.
As Sprog said on the beloved one's departure
for Thailand, "He's a better man
than I if he can stay away from it for three
years."
5. On this same distasteful subject we
noted that there was a rush by our more
advanced mating couples to see "April
Love". We also noted that Val kept herself
strictly dissociated with this manoeuvre.
6. As the year progressed several "swivel
heads" made their presence felt in clinics
and elsewhere, and one nurse (dear girl)
was heard to mutter, "They just about drive
me up the wall."
7. C.W. (the boy from the Apple Isle),
developed a rare skill for emitting a continuous
stream of, to say the least, doubtful
comments just out of earshot of the clinician
though, let it be placed on record, one was
heard to say as the said gentleman sprawled
disgustedly at the foot of the bed, "Mr. G.
seems to have lost all of his faculties except
speech."
8. T.J. (Skinny alias Grumpy), perhaps
our keenest student, nevertheless managed
to hide all beneath a scowling bleak
exterior.
9. And now for some gems heard around
and about.
Zealous student, to dear old lady: "And
what was the nature of your previous
lesion?"
Again, to another D.O.L. (in extremus):
"Have you had a heart attack lately?"
10. Finally, as the exams draw near we
note that L.J. has at last managed to draw
himself away from the magic cards to deliver
his maiden case history! !—Congrats
on a truly mighty performance.
FOURTH YEAR
Despite dire prognostications and examination
obstacles, our Year remains intact
and flourishing in exam-free Div. III. These
notes are not intended to libel, but rather
entertain and inform the future medical
student historian perusing through "Speculum"
of the dubious activities of his predecessors.
Who will believe when Tom is a revered
practitioner that he did not enter a "boozer"
for the first six months of his married life,
or in his youth, that "MOOF" won the
Intervarsity Golf Title of Australia? In his
age will Denis be remembered as an agile
footballer with more retirements than
Melba? Will Kevin be recognised as doing
pioneer work in placing the MANIA A
POTU syndrome on a firm clinical footing?
As we become fat and , bald, will the
members of our Year be remembered or,
in fact, discredited, if they claim, like
Hodge, that they once compered Medleys,
attended Med. dinners and other frivolous
activities?
Enough of pandering to posterity, and
back to the present. Eric and Frank have
placed rings on the most important finger
of a girl's left hand—congratulations. Stan
and Barry are proud fathers (we admit only
of baby cars) and some of our number even
include diagnostic sets amongst their possessions.
Commiserations with Paul—he contracted
rubella at Bulla, dysentery at Lorne,
and a sub-arachnoid from Intervarsity
Rugby—going to give the game up, too, we
hear. Jack maintains that he did pronounce
cupola without getting mixed up, and Norm
does not disclose what his specific illness
was (oops! sorry, he has not specifically said
what his illness was in spite of Denis'
theories.) Sympathy also to Anne, the most
popular girl (ref., "Speculum" 1957). The