2011 - Talk Birth

who are responsible for their own behavior, not out of control pigs who women are responsible for ”taming”
and/or not ”provoking” (sexually or otherwise). Men are smart, let’s treat them like it by remembering to
ask the right questions and to give the right sets of tips.
Of cannibalism & implied social acceptance
These topics remind me of an example I use in the college classes I teach and the questions I encourage
my students to ask about all kinds of social services: If we respond to the presence of disturbing social
conditions by working primarily to soften the pain they cause, does this imply tolerance for their existence?
Our actions do help, but we need to be sensitive to the fact that our limited actions indicate endorsement
of, or at least acquiescence to, these conditions that call for all our hurry and scramble. Under the guise of
caring we may have reached a point of acceptance of conditions that produce the pain we try to ease…Why
are we accepting that children go hungry, that people are homeless, and that women are beaten and raped?
Are these conditions that you find acceptable? Are these things just part of the ”normal” course of life? I
then ask my students to consider cannibalism—what would it be like if rape was as unheard of in our culture
as cannibalism? We don’t have ”cannibalism survivors support groups” and cannibal hotlines and shelters,
because as a whole, our culture does NOT accept cannibalism as a remotely acceptable activity. All of our
”services” for sexual assault and domestic violence tell a different story—while these things are ”too bad”
and ”shouldn’t happen,” we’ve accepted that they do and in a way tolerate their existence. I believe we can
and should create a world where DV and SA are as unheard of as cannibalism! Usually this example gives
students pause. We need to ask bigger social questions that go beyond the individual cases right in front of
us.
But what about pregnancy and birth, anyway?
Okay, what does any of this have to do with pregnancy or birth?! Well, in the most recent issue of [3]Brain,
Child magazine, I was reading an essay called ”Play Parallels” by Dorothy Fortenberry, exploring parallels
between her play, Good Egg, and reading What to Expect during her own pregnancy. In it, she makes this
fabulous observation:
”I also left my obstetrician. The more I saw him, the less I wanted to talk to him—and if you don’t
like chatting with someone, I’ve usually found you also don’t want to have his face in your crotch.”
And how! She then comments on reading an article about how the environment in the womb sets the
stage for the baby’s entire life and that mothers are responsible for making this environment as pure as
possible–it is in your hands! She also is thinking about the dangers of eating coldcuts during pregnancy,
frequently warned about in popular pregnancy books and media: ”Hold on, I thought, deep breath. Stop
hating yourself and start asking questions. Like: Where was an article about why cities have air pollution in
the first place? What about an article about what to do if you want to leave your ob/gyn? Or the headline I
would have written: ’Pregnant Women Routinely Denied Health Insurance, Perhaps a Bigger Deal for Babies
Than Tuna’?...I’d be damned if I paid someone else to make me feel bad about myself. The next time I
started to panic, I vowed to put my time and money to helping women with real challenges in pregnancy,
and more worrisome things on their plate than sliced turkey.” [emphases mine]
Finally, she describes the book as, ”a long, depressing catalogue of all the ways I had already failed my
baby” and then concludes, ”I saw it as one more way our society puts all of the blame and credit on individual
mothers, casually omitting any larger forces like politics, or fate.”
Motherblame
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