2011 - Talk Birth

With them, we can be our best selves: alert, vibrant, and generous—and fully alive in the present tense.”
And then, with regard to children learning your behaviors: ”Make sure that what your child is absorbing
isn’t your ragged, frustrated, or furious self, but your best self. And when it’s not, let him know that you
know, and that you’ll try harder next time.”
Unfortunately, I think I often do show my ”ragged” self to my family and am NOT necessarily my best,
alert and vibrant self. It isn’t a ”furious” self usually, but sort of a worn out and taut self. My husband ”gets”
to see this side a lot—I start out the day much more vibrantly and as it passes, I become more ragged so
when he gets home, all that is left for him is ”scraps.” I hate that. I also feel like my mom sees my ragged self
more often than I’d like—aren’t these the people that matter most? Why do ”other people” get the vibrant
parts?! I try to tell them sometimes that that raggedness isn’t how I am or how I feel for a lot of the day, it
is just that which is only ”allowed” to reveal herself in front of them.
I’ve noticed the ragged self emerges when:
• I’m hungry
• I’m tired
• I have a headache (sometimes related to the above two)
• I haven’t had my two hours
What’s this about two hours?
Well, picture that newspaper kid from the movie Better Off Dead and you’ll have how I feel about
it ;) Almost every day, my wonderful parents pick up my boys and take them to their house to visit for
approximately two hours. If I play my cards right, this is also when Alaina takes her afternoon nap, which
gives me two hours on my own to ”get things done.” I NEED this time in order to survive—in order to keep
up with the other elements of my life besides mothering. I know other mothers swoon with jealousy at the
idea of having a regular two hours—they should, my parents are awesome and they are a key factor in how
I’m able to ”do it all.” They’re my ”tribe”—the village that comes to help me [2]grind my corn. I rely on
having this time and so when I don’t get it for some reason, I become very ragged and feel like I must quit
everything else ([3]surrender). So, sometimes when I start feeling ragged and can’t put my finger on exactly
why, it comes to me: ”I WANT MY TWO HOURS!”
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6z9Cg46Nktw]
Yes, that kid’s face is exactly how my own looks when I say it!
Another minute?
From the same book quoted above, the authors write ”Each time you say, ’I need another minute to
finish this...,’ you squander a moment with your child, never to be reclaimed.”
I confess, though this is another good reminder, it also annoys me. There is a little too much ”romanticizing”
of parenting implicit within it. I thought of all the times when I’ve said ”I just need another
minute to...” Hmmm. Go to the BATHROOM! Finish fixing breakfast, put the baby to sleep, help
someone else go to the bathroom, talk to my husband—the love of my life... I guess each could be seen as
”squandering” and I have an inner monitor in my head that lets me know that! But, get real, sometimes
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