2011 - Talk Birth

fondness instead of regret. Instead of rushing to rejoin the world, I allowed myself the time, space, and
permission to rest and cocoon, knowing that I would be “real” again soon enough.
Reflecting on my two postpartum experiences leads me to offer the following suggestions for postpartum
planning:
• Try to minimize your out of home commitments in advance. Put a hold on projects and “retire”
from committees and responsibilities. I joke that with my first baby I thought I needed to get my
responsibilities squared away for six weeks and with my second I realized I needed to try to get them
squared away for two years.
• Have a good book on hand about postpartum. When my first baby was born, I was well stocked
with baby care and breastfeeding books, but none about the transition into motherhood. My favorite
postpartum book is After the Baby’s Birth by Robin Lim. It offers such gems as, “you’re postpartum
for the rest of your life” and “when the tears flow, the milk will flow” (with regard to the third day
postpartum). Other good postpartum readings are The Post Pregnancy Handbook by Sylvia Brown
and The Year After Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger. A classic for support people is Mothering the New
Mother by Sally Placksin.
• Prepare and freeze a lot of food in advance. Batches of nutritious muffins are a favorite of mine—freeze
them and the reheat one as needed for a quick breakfast or snack. These are great for nursing mothers!
• Plans to spend three to seven days just in bed with your baby. Skin-to-skin is even better.
• Everyone is familiar with the “sleep when the baby sleeps” advice, but even if you don’t feel the need
to sleep, stay in bed and use the quiet time for reflection or to read or write in your journal. Rest is
definitely essential every day, but it doesn’t have to be actual sleep to be restorative.
• If you have other children, arrange for plenty of help caring for them. Do not feel like you “should” be
able to handle them all right away. Of course, you could do it if you had to, but you and your new
baby will benefit from an extended period of cocooning together. Plan quiet projects that you can
do in bed with your older child while the new baby sleeps (a favorite with my older son was making
puppets and masks out of felt. I cut them out while still lying down. He actually started calling our
bed the “party deck” because we did lots of fun projects there while I was resting with the new baby.
I have no idea where he got the phrase!).
• Give yourself permission to rest and be off duty.
• When people ask what they can do to help, give them a specific task (go grocery shopping, pick up
pictures, bring me dinner, etc.).
• Ease back into “real life.” Resist the temptation to catch up with email and so forth. Respond to email
or phone requests for time or help with a firm, “I just had a baby and I’m not available right now.”
• Become comfortable asking for help (I vastly prefer being the helper to being the helped and this is
particularly hard for me).
• Similar to a birth plan, make a written postpartum plan that includes a list of the people in your
support network, arrangements for help with household duties (or a plan for what can be left undone),
people to call for meals, and so forth. List what each person is willing to do—laundry,
grocery shopping, cleaning, childcare, meal preparation (notice that “holding the baby so you can
work” isn’t on the list!). An example postpartum plan is available on DONA International’s website:
http://www.dona.org/resources/doula practice postpartum.php
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