2011 - Talk Birth

[3]
”When I think of OBOS, I think, Empowerment! OBOS means knowing your body, your personal power,
and taking control of your health care and your reproductive rights. OBOS is an essential voice for women.”
1. http://www.ourbodiesourblog.org/blog/2011/07/the-new-our-bodies-ourselves-cover-is-here
2. http://www.ourbodiesourblog.org/blog/2011/06/13689
3. http://www.ourbodiesourblog.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/molly.jpg
”You’ll Miss This...” (2011-07-14 10:12)
We’ve all seen or heard it happen. A mother voices a complaint about something she is not enjoying about
the mothering experience and someone else returns with a comment that disguises itself as ”words of wisdom,”
but is perhaps actually a thinly veiled criticism of the other mother: ”well, you know, they grow so fast and
you’ll miss them when they’re older!” I am curious if anyone actually finds this a helpful remark or thinks it
is an original sentiment. While probably originally born from good intent, ”you’ll miss this” based comments
have become trite and cliche. While perhaps voiced in a good-intentioned way and theoretically used to
bring perspective, to bring a proper sense of gratitude, and as an honest reminder to count your blessings
(which are many and true), I think the shadow side and darker purpose of this “bringing perspective” is to
silence, to muffle, to dismiss, to deny, and to shame. How often do we use this phrase against ourselves in
exactly this manner? Perhaps we are nursing the baby and longing for it to fall into a deep enough sleep so
that we can sneak away and ”get things done.” And then, pop! there it is, ”You shouldn’t be trying to get
up, you’ll miss this when they’re older.”
Well, guess what, there are plenty of things I’m confident I won’t miss when they’re older. I know that
I will miss breastfeeding. It is one of the deepest and richest joys of my life. The breastfeeding relationship is
an intimate, interdependent, and profound connection that is irreplaceable. However, I also know in my heart
that I will never miss having a toddler twiddle, pinch, stretch, and pick at the other nipple while nursing
(and, frankly, I seriously doubt that any woman on earth has spent her twilight years wishing someone was
stretching her nipple out to superhuman lengths). I’ll miss the sounds of little boys as they spin elaborate
imaginary scenarios out in their play. I will not miss having to shout to be heard over this play while trying
to carry on a reasonable, adult conversation with my husband. I’ll miss having warm little bodies snuggling
with me. I won’t miss having someone sit on my back and chew on my hair while I try to type an article
186