2011 - Talk Birth

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Unity (2011-03-18 19:07)
I keep wanting to write an update post about Alaina and never finding enough moments in one day in which
to do it—I joked the other day about, ”instead of taking care of your sweet little self, I want to write a blog
post about taking care of your sweet little self!” ;-D Overall, I’m surprised by how easy she is to take care
of. I love having a baby again—I’m surprised I ever found it hard to take care of a baby! Her needs are very
simple and easy to meet and it just isn’t very complicated to figure her out. Older kids are a different story
altogether! Though, taking care of her while taking care of my other kids adds a different level of challenge
and isn’t itself actually easy. But, caring for her when considered on its own is very easy and natural and
good. I was concerned about ”starting over” and taking care of a baby all over again and I’m pleased to
discover anew how much I love having a baby.
She does have an interesting habit of being awake until about 1:00 a.m. every night. Not sure what is
up with that and keep puzzling over changing the pattern. With my first baby, I remember remarking that
at night I felt in ”perfect harmony” with him, but during the day I found him somewhat confusing (and
also kind of fussy/unsettled). With Alaina, I feel in perfect daytime harmony with her, but the night is the
confusing time. It is also hard to write about her without comparing her to my other babies—I’d like to
consider each child on their own, rather than using the others as a yardstick, but I also think it is a natural
thing to do. I feel like she is my happiest baby yet. I’d worried she would be an anxious or difficult baby,
because of all the fear I ”marinated” her in during pregnancy, but she is a happy little soul. She is also
incredibly quiet. It is weird, actually, sometimes I look down at her and she’s just riding along quietly and
I get kind of a start, like, ”oh, you’re still here!” She does not really ever cry—just occasionally commentary
type ”wahs” of protest or alert or notice. I remember the boys becoming unsettled more easily and also being
harder to calm down. For example, yesterday she was asleep when we got home from the park. I hurried to
bring in my stuff and when I got back out to the car she was awake and crying pretty hard—I was horrified
and ran to scoop her up. The second I picked her up, she made not another peep. I know for a fact that
my other babies would have kept on crying for a couple of moments just for emphasis, as well as just taken
a little more conscious effort for me to calm them back down. She smiles a lot and enjoys watching her big
brothers play.
While the feeling isn’t as intense as it was when she was first born (she is two months old tomorrow!),
I continue to marvel at her every day—”HOW did you get here, you amazing little thing?” I feel almost startled
that she is here with us, happy and whole and engaging with the world around her. I don’t remember
having quite the same sense of miracle about the boys. Sense of magic, yes, but the sense of surprise and/or
disbelief about their existence, no.
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