2011 - Talk Birth

[3]
Taking a break from nursing to peek at the camera!
By Molly Remer
Before my son Lann was born, I felt prepared for frequent nursing, comfort nursing, and for experiences
nursing in public. I started attending LLL meetings when I was 26 weeks pregnant and was also involved
with the local Breastfeeding Coalition. I fondly imagined cuddling my baby as he nursed away. I also imagined
proudly nursing in public wherever necessary—doing my part to increasing public perception of nursing
being a normal part of everyday life, not secret or shameful.
After newborn Lann’s first growth spurt had passed, I was surprised to learn that he had other ideas about
what our breastfeeding relationship would be like. Lann did not like to comfort nurse—he nursed when
hungry and stopped when full. He would become upset and cry loudly if the breast was offered and after
the first few sucks he would get milk that he wasn’t looking for. He also vastly preferred nursing lying down
in our own bed. In public, he would refuse to nurse at all or would nurse a bit, choke on a mouthful, and
become upset and not continue. He would often choke while nursing in any setting (though less frequently
while lying down at home) and become very distraught and turn away from the breast—sometimes even
pushing at me with his hands. These experiences were very difficult for me. I felt embarrassed to go to LLL
meetings with a baby who cried and fought the breast, despite clearly appearing hungry, but then would
nurse happily in the car! I did not have the cozy, peaceful nursling I imagined (though I was comforted by
the fact that at home, lying down, when he was hungry, he certainly loved to nurse!).
These challenges continued for three and a half months, before I finally accepted that listening to my baby’s
needs applied to these situations as well! Even though Lann didn’t breastfeed the way I had imagined or in
the way I thought he needed to breastfeed, I still needed to listen to what he was telling me. Things became
much less stressful when I finally realized this. If we were in a public place, I went to the car to nurse him
and generally averted the crying, gagging/choking on milk episodes. At friends’ houses, I would ask to go
lie down in another room. I made sure to “tank him up” before we left our house and planned to be home
again within approximately three hours so we could nurse in our comfortable surroundings. I stopped being
embarrassed that my baby wouldn’t nurse the “right” way and accepted that his style was different than
what I had anticipated. After Lann went through a very challenging nursing strike at 5 months old due to
a cold, I also learned that it often worked to nurse him standing up and moving around and I successfully
employed this strategy in other settings after the nursing strike had passed. I also learned that if I let him
unlatch to look around frequently while nursing in public (something I had never expected to “allow” before
he was born), we could usually manage to complete a nursing session without struggling.
Interestingly, Lann’s disinterest in comfort nursing and his preference for private nursing both faded away
when he was about 10 months old. He began to enjoy nursing “just because” or for comfort when distressed.
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