2011 - Talk Birth

my own small corner of the world I could not make the kind of impact I envisioned making. That is when
I started writing and found satisfaction in reaching out to the wider world in that manner (I explored how
that benefited me in the [3]music post already).
Now, with Alaina, while I do feel overloaded or overbooked at times, in general I feel like I have found
a better balance than with any of my other children. I continue to teach college classes in person and online
and while it is tricky at times, so far it is working pretty well and we’re all happy (thanks in no small part
to my mom who has been willing to come to class with me to take care of her in between my breaks, so that
we experience only small amounts of separation once a week). As she gets bigger and more energetic (read:
sleeps less), I’m definitely finding that I will probably have to let something else in my life go in order to
continue to be available to her, to my boys, and to my own need for ”down time” in the manner in which I
wish to be without hurting myself (by staying up too late, not eating well, having stressed out ”freak out”
moments, etc.). Sadly, I think it is going to be my birth classes that I put on hold and possibly this blog as
well (more about this later) .
Speaking of the difference between parenting and personing—I also do not view being a mother as my
job. Mothering is a relationship to me and not a job that I perform. Just as it is unhealthy for me to be
defined by work responsibilities, it is also unhealthy for me to be defined by relationships. I would never
describe my job as being ”Mark’s wife” or ”Barbara’s daughter,” that gives them too much responsibility for
my identity. We are in relationship to each other, but that is not a duty I perform. And, just being in relation
to them is not enough for the full expression of my personhood, I need other aspects and elements to my
identity. Why am I surprised that I feel the same way about parenting? I want to be with my children, but I
wish to be engaged in my own pursuits at the same time. When our lives feel happiest and most harmonious
is when exactly this is occurring—when we are all together, but each working on our own projects and ”doing
our own thing.” I envision a life of seamless integration, where there need not even be a notion of ”life/work”
balance, because it is all just life and living. A life in which children are welcome in workplaces and in which
work can be accomplished while in childspaces. A life in which I can grind my corn with my children nearby
and not feel I need apologize for doing so or explain myself to anyone.
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Continuing my birth art and life theme, I made two new sculptures a couple of weeks ago to express my corn
grinding spirit. The first one is a corn goddess sculpture:
[4]
The second is a mama literally grinding her corn and holding her baby :)
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