The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

HELPING AFTER DEATH 321people have used and found helpful is a variation on themethod I explained for completing unfinished business. Nomatter how long ago your loved one died, you will find thismost effective.Visualize that all the buddhas and enlightened beings are inthe sky above and around you, shining down their rays ofcompassionate light and giving you their support and blessing.In their presence grieve and say what you have to say, what isreally in your heart and mind, to your loved one who has died.Visualize that the person who is dead is looking at youwith a greater love and understanding than he or she ever hadwhile alive. Know that the dead person wants you to understandthat he or she loves you and forgives you for whateveryou may have done, and wants to ask for and receive your forgiveness.Allow your heart to open and put into words any anger,any feelings of hurt, you may have been harboring, and let goof them completely. With your whole heart and mind, letyour forgiveness go out toward the dead person. Tell him orher of your forgiveness; tell him or her of the regrets you feelfor all the pain you may have caused.Now feel with your whole being his or her forgiveness andlove streaming toward you. Know in the depths of yourselfthat you are lovable and deserve to be forgiven, and feel yourgrief dissolve.At the end of the practice, ask yourself if you can nowtruly say farewell and really let go of the person. Imagine theperson turning and leaving, and then conclude by doing thephowa, or another practice for helping the dead.This practice will give you the chance of showing your loveonce more, doing something to help the person who has died,and completing and healing the relationship in your heart.You can learn so much, if you let yourself, from the grief andloss of bereavement. Bereavement can force you to look atyour life directly, compelling you to find a purpose in it wherethere may not have been one before. When suddenly you findyourself alone after the death of someone you love, it can feelas if you are being given a new life and are being asked"What will you do with this life? And why do you wish tocontinue living?"Loss and bereavement can also remind you sharply whatcan happen when in life you do not show your love and