My Battle with Merkel Cell Cancer

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below, but (to again take things out of sequence), we did share some intimate thoughts
outside of the blog before my mom returned.
So this blog entry is very much dictated but not read. I listened carefully to what he said,
and this is my best shot at conveying it.
He told me that he was very depressed last night, feeling that there wasn't hope for him.
But today he has a ray of hope. He said his brain function "is not that great right now", but
he is more optimistic based on the fact that we don't yet know if the chemo worked, and it
may well have worked. He then laid out two scenarios:
The optimistic scenario: The chemo worked. In a few days he finds out that it worked and
the stent comes out, he goes home, he has a chance to beat this thing.
The pessimistic scenario: The chemo didn't work. In a few days he finds out that it did not
work and there is not much hope.
He says that everything is based on whether the chemo worked. I then asked him
whether there was a third scenario, a middle ground where the chemo didn't work, but he
feels better for a time. He doesn't get more chemo, but with pain management he is able
to go home and enjoy some quality time before he passes away. He agreed that the
middle ground scenario was possible and agreed that I should add it to his blog entry.
As for his current status, his blood pressure is still relatively low (88/50 earlier, but when I
left it was around 80/50). I believe his ability to concentrate was cycling with drops in
blood pressure, but that might just have been coincidental (he hasn't slept a reasonable
amount in couple of days so there are plenty of reasons he might have trouble
concentrating). They gave him IV steroids just before I left to try to raise his blood
pressure. The risk is a secondary fungal infection, but they said that his blood pressure
was just too low and they could control the risk with anti-fungals.
They confirmed that he had sepsis. Blood drawn yesterday was cultured and showed
gram positive cocci in clusters. They continue to give him antibiotics, although they're
going to monitor his renal function since the antibiotics can create renal function issues.
It turns out that the ICU has a rule that between 7:00 (am and pm) and 8:30 (am and pm,
respectively), no visitors can be present. This is to allow the staff to brief each other more
effectively during the shift change. We were sent home at 7:00 pm, and my dad indicated
that we should come back in the morning. I asked the nurse to call me if he thought that
my being there overnight would improve the treatment outlook, and he promised he
would. He hasn't called yet, and assuming I don't get a call I'll return to the hospital after
the morning shift change.
My dad remains cognitively strong, and the observation he made about his "brain
function" being "not that great now", I'm convinced that it is due to difficulty remaining fully
awake. When he does focus in, he's sharp as ever. His hands shake when he reaches for
things. He is not getting IV nutrition, but he is on a liquid diet and has no desire to eat it.
They probably put him back on IV nutrition tomorrow. His temperature is more or less
normal (perhaps slightly high, like 99.2 or so). The nurse was laying out the treatment
plan for the next few days, which is a signal that at this point the nurse is thinking things
are improving.
My Battle with Merkel Cell Cancer