My Battle with Merkel Cell Cancer

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Back in the ICU
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Dad is back in the ICU. His situation is very serious.
CT scan results showed that the left lung is better than the right, but the left bronchial
branch is completely closed off (presumably tumor pressing it shut). The right bronchial
branch is fully open, but the right lung is very compromised with pneumonia. There is
some pleural effusion.
One of the nurses and one of the doctors, on different occasions, said that the outlook
was very bad.
Other than the Dilaudid causing him to be a bit loopy, he is very cogent when his O2
saturation is good. When it isn't good, he is very out of it, eyes rolling back, etc. His O2
saturation ranges from 70% to 100%. He is on a BPAP mask as he refused intubation.
He has also given a very broad do not resuscitate order. In relation to the intubation
refusal, he said, paraphrasing, "instead of intubating me, just shut me down with
morphine. I've just about had it. I've had enough."
His breathing is very labored. It reminds me a lot of when my daughter Eva was a
newborn and developed RSV. You can see his stomach trying to suck in to help draw air
into the lungs.
He seems to be cogent, at peace, and just wants to stop hurting.
I love him. I hope tonight goes the way he wants it to.
Posted by Gary Shuster at 06:46PM (-07:00)
Dead
Friday, April 20, 2012
Dad died at 10:58 p.m. on April 18, 2012. He was 46 days away from his 50th wedding
anniversary. In the week prior to his death, he conducted a Seder, watched his
granddaughter open birthday gifts, watched Stanley Cup hockey, considered treatment
with Votrient, and saw his doctor. He even saw a concert a couple of weeks ago.
When he first got to the ICU on April 18, he asked me to please update his blog if he
died. I promised I would. I will expand this post further as I get my thoughts together. I
don't want to post too much until I can do so cogently.
I miss him already.
Posted by Gary Shuster at 12:59AM (-07:00)
My Battle with Merkel Cell Cancer