My Battle with Merkel Cell Cancer

150
environment so they could put in the central line. That took care of the question of
whether I would object to having to leave during the shift change. We were again
banished to the ICU waiting room.
I took the forced time away from dad as an opportunity to pull out my laptop and update
dad's blog. I wrote "He seems to be cogent, at peace, and just wants to stop hurting."
** Email: Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2012 18:47:17 -0700
Subject: Another post, doc dave doing worse
To: [Merkel Cell Google Group]
http://docshu-mybattlewithmerkelcellcancer.blogspot.com/2012/04/back-in-icu.html **
** Email: Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2012 18:48:30 -0700
Subject: Another post, doing worse
To: [Large bcc list of Dad's friends and relatives]
http://docshu-mybattlewithmerkelcellcancer.blogspot.com/2012/04/back-in-icu.html
This has already been a long day. Going to be a long week no matter howtonight turns
out. **
Soon enough the doctor came and told us the procedure went well. We were briefly
allowed into the ICU and then kicked out so that they could x-ray dad to confirm the
placement of the central line.
Mom was starving and agonized over whether to get food downstairs. The x-ray was
clearly going to take more than a couple of minutes. We asked around and going
downstairs to the cafeteria was the only option. Although she ran down and was back
with food in minutes, I regret not insisting that I pick up food for her. For a day filled with
hard decisions and intense stress, it was one of the few things I think I should have
known, at the time, to do differently.
In the meantime, the room had cleared out and I took the opportunity to change the
blaring waiting room TV channel to something I could ignore and turn the volume down to
a level just loud enough that others would not feel the need to turn it up if they wanted to
listen. I originally wanted to turn it off, but I was sure it would just get turned back on and
then the person turning it on would of course crank up the volume. I wanted time with my
thoughts.
** Email: Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2012 19:21:05 -0700
Subject: Re: Ct results
Central line went in OK. They kicked us out (again) so they could xray him to confirm that
the line was placed properly.
His breathing is really labored. He is also getting serious discomfort with the BPAP [SIC
should be BiPAP] mask. The doctor ordered another dose of hydromorphone with the
goal not of eliminating pain but of relaxing dad enough so that he can allow the machine
to breathe for him. Mom went to get dinner. She's rattled but seems to have accepted
things are serious. **
They finally let us back in. We met the night shift nurse, and I was glad we had a nurse
My Battle with Merkel Cell Cancer