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been the professor. She would have been accused of being a cougar, and the
student would have gotten a few high fives. Instead, I was almost harassed
into dropping out. I didn’t want to attend any lectures. I didn’t want to leave
the house. I was still living with my parents because I could drive to campus
from their house, and I didn’t even want to talk to them. I deleted my profiles
on all of the social media sites. I closed myself off from every single person
in my life, even my sister and even those few who had remained my friends.”
I focused on the soothing circles Aaron was drawing on my skin, grounding
and rooting me to him and to the present. “It was all too much. I just felt …
ashamed. Worthless. I felt like everything I had done was worth nothing.
Consequently, when my grades and performance sank, my average went
down the drain. And I didn’t even care.”
A beat of silence that seemed to stretch too long made me realize Aaron
hadn’t spoken a word. I knew he wouldn’t judge me, but I wondered what he
thought. If the way he saw me had now changed.
“What did he do?” he finally said. His voice sounded rocky, rough.
“What did Daniel do about everything that was being done to you?”
“Well, things started looking a little bad for him. There was no rule that
stopped him from dating a former student. But everything that was going
down got to be too much for him.”
“For him?” he repeated, a new edge to his voice.
“Yeah. And so, he broke things off, told me it was too complicated and
relationships shouldn’t be that hard or messy.”
Aaron’s fingers halted, not moving any longer. Simply hovering above
my skin.
“He thought that we weren’t supposed to make each other trip and fall
and that the moment we did, then it didn’t make sense to be together. And I
… I think he was right. I guess he was.”
Aaron didn’t say anything. Not a word left his lips, but I could tell there
was something wrong with him. I could feel it in the way his breath had
quickened, deepened. And the way his hands remained frozen above my
shoulders.
“I often wonder how I managed to graduate, but I did. At some point after
the breakup, I woke up. Showed up to the exams and passed. Then, I
somehow put together an application for an international master’s program
and left for the US.”
Aaron’s palms resumed. Very gently, but I felt them move along my