“Catch-22” By Joseph - Khamkoo

“Catch-22” By Joseph Heller 127
‘Why don’t they look for eggs in Sicily?’
‘Because they’ve never done it that way.’
‘Now I really don’t understand. Why don’t you sell your mess halls the eggs for seven
cents apiece instead offor five cents apiece?’
‘Because my mess halls would have no need for me then. Anyone can buy sevencents-apiece
eggs for seven cents apiece.’
‘Why don’t they bypass you and buy the eggs directly from you in Malta at four and a
quarter cents apiece?’
‘Because I wouldn’t sell it to them.’
‘Why wouldn’t you sell it to them?’
‘Because then there wouldn’t be as much room for profit. At least this way I can make
a bit for myself as a middleman.’
‘Then you do make a profit for yourself,’ Yossarian declared.
‘Of course I do. But it all goes to the syndicate. And everybody has a share. Don’t you
understand? It’s exactly what happens with those plum tomatoes I sell to Colonel
Cathcart.’
‘Buy,’ Yossarian corrected him. ‘You don’t sell plum tomatoes to Colonel Cathcart and
Colonel Korn. You buy plum tomatoes from them.’
‘No, sell,’ Milo corrected Yossarian. ‘I distribute my plum tomatoes in markets all over
Pianosa under an assumed name so that Colonel Cathcart and Colonel Korn can buy
them up from me under their assumed names at four cents apiece and sell them back to
me the next day for the syndicate at five cents apiece. They make a profit of one cent
apiece. I make a profit of three and a half cents apiece, and everybody comes out
ahead.’
‘Everybody but the syndicate,’ said Yossarian with a snort. ‘The syndicate is paying
five cents apiece for plum tomatoes that cost you only half a cent apiece. How does the
syndicate benefit?’
‘The syndicate benefits when I benefit,’ Milo explained, ‘because everybody has a
share. And the syndicate gets Colonel Cathcart’s and Colonel Korn’s support so that
they’ll let me go out on trips like this one. You’ll see how much profit that can mean in
about fifteen minutes when we land in Palermo.’
‘ Malta,’ Yossarian corrected him. ‘We’re flying to Malta now, not Palermo.’
‘No, we’re flying to Palermo,’ Milo answered. ‘There’s an endive exporter in Palermo I
have to see for a minute about a shipment of mushrooms to Bern that were damaged by
mold.’
‘ Milo, how do you do it?’ Yossarian inquired with laughing amazement and
admiration. ‘You fill out a flight plan for one place and then you go to another. Don’t the
people in the control towers ever raise hell?’
‘They all belong to the syndicate,’ Milo said. ‘And they know that what’s good for the
syndicate is good for the country, because that’s what makes Sammy run. The men in
the control towers have a share, too, and that’s why they always have to do whatever
they can to help the syndicate.’
‘Do I have a share?’
‘Everybody has a share.’
‘Does Orr have a share?’
‘Everybody has a share.’
‘And Hungry Joe? He has a share, too?’
‘Everybody has a share.’
‘Well, I’ll be damned,’ mused Yossarian, deeply impressed with the idea of a share for
the very first time.
Milo turned toward him with a faint glimmer of mischief. ‘I have a sure-fire plan for
cheating the federal government out of six thousand dollars. We can make three
thousand dollars apiece without any risk to either of us. Are you interested?’
‘No.’ Milo looked at Yossarian with profound emotion. ‘That’s what I like about you,’ he
exclaimed. ‘You’re honest! You’re the only one I know that I can really trust. That’s why I