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“Catch-22” <strong>By</strong> <strong>Joseph</strong> Heller 192<br />
away.<br />
Instead of busting their heads open, he tramped in his galoshes and black raincoat<br />
through the drizzling darkness to invite Chief White Halfoat to move in with him, too, and<br />
drive the fastidious, clean-living bastards out with his threats and swinish habits. But<br />
Chief White Halfoat felt cold and was already making plans to move up into the hospital<br />
to die of pneumonia. Instinct told Chief White Halfoat it was almost time. His chest<br />
ached and he coughed chronically. Whiskey no longer warmed him. Most damning of<br />
all, Captain Flume had moved back into his trailer. Here was an omen of unmistakable<br />
meaning.<br />
‘He had to move back,’ Yossarian argued in a vain effort to cheer up the glum, barrelchested<br />
Indian, whose well-knit sorrel-red face had degenerated rapidly into a<br />
dilapidated, calcareous gray. ‘He’d die of exposure if he tried to live in the woods in this<br />
weather.’<br />
‘No, that wouldn’t drive the yellowbelly back,’ Chief White Halfoat disagreed<br />
obstinately. He tapped his forehead with cryptic insight. ‘No, sirree. He knows<br />
something. He knows it’s time for me to die of pneumonia, that’s what he knows. And<br />
that’s how I know it’s time.’<br />
‘What does Doc Daneeka say?’<br />
‘I’m not allowed to say anything,’ Doc Daneeka said sorrowfully from his seat on his<br />
stool in the shadows of a corner, his smooth, tapered, diminutive face turtle-green in the<br />
flickering candlelight. Everything smelled of mildew. The bulb in the tent had blown out<br />
several days before, and neither of the two men had been able to muster the initiative to<br />
replace it. ‘I’m not allowed to practice medicine any more,’ Doc Daneeka added.<br />
‘He’s dead,’ Chief White Halfoat gloated, with a horse laugh entangled in phlegm.<br />
‘That’s really funny.’<br />
‘I don’t even draw my pay any more.’<br />
‘That’s really funny,’ Chief White Halfoat repeated. ‘All this time he’s been insulting my<br />
liver, and look what happened to him. He’s dead. Killed by his own greed.’<br />
‘That’s not what killed me,’ Doc Daneeka observed in a voice that was calm and flat.<br />
‘There’s nothing wrong with greed. It’s all that lousy Dr. Stubbs’ fault, getting Colonel<br />
Cathcart and Colonel Korn stirred up against flight surgeons. He’s going to give the<br />
medical profession a bad name by standing up for principle. If he’s not careful, he’ll be<br />
black-balled by his state medical association and kept out of the hospitals.’ Yossarian<br />
watched Chief White Halfoat pour whiskey carefully into three empty shampoo bottles<br />
and store them away in the musette bag he was packing.<br />
‘Can’t you stop by my tent on your way up to the hospital and punch one of them in<br />
the nose for me?’ he speculated aloud. ‘I’ve got four of them, and they’re going to crowd<br />
me out of my tent altogether.’<br />
‘You know, something like that once happened to my whole tribe,’ Chief White Halfoat<br />
remarked in jolly appreciation, sitting back on his cot to chuckle. ‘Why don’t you get<br />
Captain Black to kick those kids out? Captain Black likes to kick people out.’ Yossarian<br />
grimaced sourly at the mere mention of Captain Black, who was already bullying the<br />
new fliers each time they stepped into his intelligence tent for maps or information.<br />
Yossarian’s attitude toward his roommates turned merciful and protective at the mere<br />
recollection of Captain Black. It was not their fault that they were young and cheerful, he<br />
reminded himself as he carried the swinging beam of his flashlight back through the<br />
darkness. He wished that he could be young and cheerful, too. And it wasn’t their fault<br />
that they were courageous, confident and carefree. He would just have to be patient<br />
with them until one or two were killed and the rest wounded, and then they would all turn<br />
out okay. He vowed to be more tolerant and benevolent, but when he ducked inside his<br />
tent with his friendlier attitude a great blaze was roaring in the fireplace, and he gasped<br />
in horrified amazement. Orr’s beautiful birch logs were going up in smoke! His<br />
roommates had set fire to them! He gaped at the four insensitive overheated faces and<br />
wanted to shout curses at them. He wanted to bang their heads together as they<br />
greeted him with loud convivial cries and invited him generously to pull up a chair and