“Catch-22” By Joseph - Khamkoo

“Catch-22” By Joseph Heller 200
truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy,
thievery into honor, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into
justice. Anybody could do it; it required no brains at all. It merely required no character.
With effervescent agility the chaplain ran through the whole gamut of orthodox
immoralities, while Nately sat up in bed with flushed elation, astounded by the mad gang
of companions of which he found himself the nucleus. He was flattered and
apprehensive, certain that some severe official would soon appear and throw the whole
lot of them out like a pack of bums. No one bothered them. In the evening they all
trooped exuberantly out to see a lousy Hollywood extravaganza in Technicolor, and
when they trooped exuberantly back in after the lousy Hollywood extravaganza, the
soldier in white was there, and Dunbar screamed and went to pieces.
‘He’s back!’ Dunbar screamed. ‘He’s back! He’s back!’ Yossarian froze in his tracks,
paralyzed as much by the eerie shrillness in Dunbar’s voice as by the familiar, white,
morbid sight of the soldier in white covered from head to toe in plaster and gauze. A
strange, quavering, involuntary noise came bubbling from Yossarian’s throat.
‘He’s back!’ Dunbar screamed again.
‘He’s back!’ a patient delirious with fever echoed in automatic terror.
All at once the ward erupted into bedlam. Mobs of sick and injured men began ranting
incoherently and running and jumping in the aisle as though the building were on fire. A
patient with one foot and one crutch was hopping back and forth swiftly in panic crying,
‘What is it? What is it? Are we burning? Are we burning?’
‘He’s back!’ someone shouted at him. ‘Didn’t you hear him? He’s back! He’s back!’
‘Who’s back?’ shouted someone else. ‘Who is it?’
‘What does it mean? What should we do?’
‘Are we on fire?’
‘Get up and run, damn it! Everybody get up and run!’ Everybody got out of bed and
began running from one end of the ward to the other. One C.I.D. man was looking for a
gun to shoot one of the other C.I.D. men who had jabbed his elbow into his eye. The
ward had turned into chaos. The patient delirious with the high fever leaped into the
aisle and almost knocked over the patient with one foot, who accidentally brought the
black rubber tip of his crutch down on the other’s bare foot, crushing some toes. The
delirious man with the fever and the crushed toes sank to the floor and wept in pain
while other men tripped over him and hurt him more in their blind, milling, agonized
stampede. ‘He’s back!’ all the men kept mumbling and chanting and calling out
hysterically as they rushed back and forth. ‘He’s back, he’s back!’ Nurse Cramer was
there in the middle suddenly like a spinning policeman, trying desperately to restore
order, dissolving helplessly into tears when she failed. ‘Be still, please be still,’ she
urged uselessly through her massive sobs. The chaplain, pale as a ghost, had no idea
what was going on. Neither did Nately, who kept close to Yossarian’s side, clinging to
his elbow, or Hungry Joe, who followed dubiously with his scrawny fists clenched and
glanced from side to side with a face that was scared.
‘Hey, what’s going on?’ Hungry Joe pleaded. ‘What the hell is going on?’
‘It’s the same one!’ Dunbar shouted at him emphatically in a voice rising clearly above
the raucous commotion. ‘Don’t you understand? It’s the same one.’
‘The same one!’ Yossarian heard himself echo, quivering with a deep and ominous
excitement that he could not control, and shoved his way after Dunbar toward the bed of
the soldier in white.
‘Take it easy, fellas,’ the short patriotic Texan counseled affably, with an uncertain
grin. ‘There’s no cause to be upset. Why don’t we all just take it easy?’
‘The same one!’ others began murmuring, chanting and shouting.
Suddenly Nurse Duckett was there, too. ‘What’s going on?’ she demanded.
‘He’s back!’ Nurse Cramer screamed, sinking into her arms. ‘He’s back, he’s back!’ It
was, indeed, the same man. He had lost a few inches and added some weight, but
Yossarian remembered him instantly by the two stiff arms and the two stiff, thick,
useless legs all drawn upward into the air almost perpendicularly by the taut ropes and