“Catch-22” By Joseph - Khamkoo

“Catch-22” By Joseph Heller 76
with the zeal of sudden inspiration. ‘It’s not that I’m being sentimental or anything. I don’t
give a damn about the men or the airplane. It’s just that it looks so lousy on the report.
How am I going to cover up something like this in the report?’
‘Why don’t you give me a medal?’ Yossarian suggested timidly.
‘For going around twice?’
‘You gave one to Hungry Joe when he cracked up that airplane by mistake.’ Colonel
Cathcart snickered ruefully. ‘You’ll be lucky if we don’t give you a court-martial.’
‘But I got the bridge the second time around,’ Yossarian protested. ‘I thought you
wanted the bridge destroyed.’
‘Oh, I don’t know what I wanted,’ Colonel Cathcart cried out in exasperation. ‘Look, of
course I wanted the bridge destroyed. That bridge has been a source of trouble to me
ever since I decided to send you men out to get it. But why couldn’t you do it the first
time?’
‘I didn’t have enough time. My navigator wasn’t sure we had the right city.’
‘The right city?’ Colonel Cathcart was baffled. ‘Are you trying to blame it all on Aarfy
now?’
‘No, sir. It was my mistake for letting him distract me. All I’m trying to say is that I’m not
infallible.’
‘Nobody is infallible,’ Colonel Cathcart said sharply, and then continued vaguely, with
an afterthought: ‘Nobody is indispensable, either.’ There was no rebuttal. Colonel Korn
stretched sluggishly. ‘We’ve got to reach a decision,’ he observed casually to Colonel
Cathcart.
‘We’ve got to reach a decision,’ Colonel Cathcart said to Yossarian. ‘And it’s all your
fault. Why did you have to go around twice? Why couldn’t you drop your bombs the first
time like all the others?’
‘I would have missed the first time.’
‘It seems to me that we’re going around twice,’ Colonel Korn interrupted with a
chuckle.
‘But what are we going to do?’ Colonel Cathcart exclaimed with distress. ‘The others
are all waiting outside.’
‘Why don’t we give him a medal?’ Colonel Korn proposed.
‘For going around twice? What can we give him a medal for?’
‘For going around twice,’ Colonel Korn answered with a reflective, self-satisfied smile.
‘After all, I suppose it did take a lot of courage to go over that target a second time with
no other planes around to divert the antiaircraft fire. And he did hit the bridge. You know,
that might be the answer—to act boastfully about something we ought to be ashamed
of. That’s a trick that never seems to fail.’
‘Do you think it will work?’
‘I’m sure it will. And let’s promote him to captain, too, just to make certain.’
‘Don’t you think that’s going a bit farther than we have to?’
‘No, I don’t think so. It’s best to play safe. And a captain’s not much difference.’
‘All right,’ Colonel Cathcart decided. ‘We’ll give him a medal for being brave enough to
go around over the target twice. And we’ll make him a captain, too.’ Colonel Korn
reached for his hat.
‘Exit smiling,’ he joked, and put his arm around Yossarian’s shoulders as they stepped
outside the door.
Kid Sampson
By the time of the mission to Bologna, Yossarian was brave enough not to go around
over the target even once, and when he found himself aloft finally in the nose of Kid
Sampson’s plane, he pressed in the button of his throat mike and asked, ‘Well? What’s
wrong with the plane?’ Kid Sampson let out a shriek. ‘Is something wrong with the
plane? What’s the matter?’ Kid Sampson’s cry turned Yossarian to ice. ‘Is something the
matter?’ he yelled in horror. ‘Are we bailing out?’