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“Catch-22” <strong>By</strong> <strong>Joseph</strong> Heller 157<br />
‘No, sir, that was Colonel Korn. I intend to punish him severely, too.’<br />
‘If he wasn’t a chaplain,’ General Dreedle muttered, ‘I’d have him taken outside and<br />
shot.’<br />
‘He’s not a chaplain, sir.’ Colonel Cathcart advised helpfully.<br />
‘Isn’t he? Then why the hell does he wear that cross on his collar if he’s not a<br />
chaplain?’<br />
‘He doesn’t wear a cross on his collar, sir. He wears a silver leaf. He’s a lieutenant<br />
colonel.’<br />
‘You’ve got a chaplain who’s a lieutenant colonel?’ inquired General Dreedle with<br />
amazement.<br />
‘Oh, no, sir. My chaplain is only a captain.’<br />
‘Then why the hell does he wear a silver leaf on his collar if he’s only a captain?’<br />
‘He doesn’t wear a silver leaf on his collar, sir. He wears a cross.’<br />
‘Go away from me now, you son of a bitch,’ said General Dreedle. ‘Or I’ll have you<br />
taken outside and shot!’<br />
‘Yes, sir.’ Colonel Cathcart went away from General Dreedle with a gulp and kicked<br />
the chaplain out of the officers’ club, and it was exactly the way it almost was two<br />
months later after the chaplain had tried to persuade Colonel Cathcart to rescind his<br />
order increasing the number of missions to sixty and had failed abysmally in that<br />
endeavor too, and the chaplain was ready now to capitulate to despair entirely but was<br />
restrained by the memory of his wife, whom he loved and missed so pathetically with<br />
such sensual and exalted ardor, and by the lifelong trust he had placed in the wisdom<br />
and justice of an immortal, omnipotent, omniscient, humane, universal,<br />
anthropomorphic, English-speaking, Anglo-Saxon, pro-American God, which had begun<br />
to waver.<br />
So many things were testing his faith. There was the Bible, of course, but the Bible<br />
was a book, and so were Bleak House, Treasure Island, Ethan Frome and The Last of<br />
the Mohicans. Did it then seem probable, as he had once overheard Dunbar ask, that<br />
the answers to the riddles of creation would be supplied by people too ignorant to<br />
understand the mechanics of rainfall? Had Almighty God, in all His infinite wisdom,<br />
really been afraid that men six thousand years ago would succeed in building a tower to<br />
heaven? Where the devil was heaven? Was it up? Down? There was no up or down in a<br />
finite but expanding universe in which even the vast, burning, dazzling, majestic sun<br />
was in a state of progressive decay that would eventually destroy the earth too. There<br />
were no miracles; prayers went unanswered, and misfortune tramped with equal<br />
brutality on the virtuous and the corrupt; and the chaplain, who had conscience and<br />
character, would have yielded to reason and relinquished his belief in the God of his<br />
fathers—would truly have resigned both his calling and his commission and taken his<br />
chances as a private in the infantry or field artillery, or even, perhaps, as a corporal in<br />
the paratroopers—had it not been for such successive mystic phenomena as the naked<br />
man in the tree at that poor sergeant’s funeral weeks before and the cryptic, haunting,<br />
encouraging promise of the prophet Flume in the forest only that afternoon: ‘Tell them I’ll<br />
be back when winter comes.’<br />
Aarfy<br />
In a way it was all Yossarian’s fault, for if he had not moved the bomb line during the<br />
Big Siege of Bologna, Major—de Coverley might still be around to save him, and if he<br />
had not stocked the enlisted men’s apartment with girls who had no other place to live,<br />
Nately might never have fallen in love with his whore as she sat naked from the waist<br />
down in the room full of grumpy blackjack players who ignored her. Nately stared at her<br />
covertly from his over-stuffed yellow armchair, marveling at the bored, phlegmatic<br />
strength with which she accepted the mass rejection. She yawned, and he was deeply<br />
moved. He had never witnessed such heroic poise before.<br />
The girl had climbed five steep flights of stairs to sell herself to the group of satiated