Create successful ePaper yourself
Turn your PDF publications into a flip-book with our unique Google optimized e-Paper software.
“Catch-22” <strong>By</strong> <strong>Joseph</strong> Heller 32<br />
corrugated carton filled with packages of dried fruit and cans of fruit juices and desserts<br />
that two of the Italian laborers Major—de Coverley had kidnaped for his kitchen were<br />
about to carry off to Yossarian’s tent.<br />
‘This is Captain Yossarian, sir,’ said Corporal Snark with a superior smirk. Corporal<br />
Snark was an intellectual snob who felt he was twenty years ahead of his time and did<br />
not enjoy cooking down to the masses. ‘He has a letter from Doc Daneeka entitling him<br />
to all the fruit and fruit juices he wants.’<br />
‘What’s this?’ cried out Yossarian, as Milo went white and began to sway.<br />
‘This is Lieutenant Milo Minderbinder, sir,’ said Corporal Snark with a derisive wink.<br />
‘One of our new pilots. He became mess officer while you were in the hospital this last<br />
time.’<br />
‘What’s this?’ cried out McWatt, late in the afternoon, as Milo handed him half his<br />
bedsheet.<br />
‘It’s half of the bedsheet that was stolen from your tent this morning,’ Milo explained<br />
with nervous self-satisfaction, his rusty mustache twitching rapidly. ‘I’ll bet you didn’t<br />
even know it was stolen.’<br />
‘Why should anyone want to steal half a bedsheet?’ Yossarian asked.<br />
Milo grew flustered. ‘You don’t understand,’ he protested.<br />
And Yossarian also did not understand why Milo needed so desperately to invest in<br />
the letter from Doc Daneeka, which came right to the point. ‘Give Yossarian all the dried<br />
fruit and fruit juices he wants,’ Doc Daneeka had written. ‘He says he has a liver<br />
condition.’<br />
‘A letter like this,’ Milo mumbled despondently, ‘could ruin any mess officer in the<br />
world.’ Milo had come to Yossarian’s tent just to read the letter again, following his<br />
carton of lost provisions across the squadron like a mourner. ‘I have to give you as<br />
much as you ask for. Why, the letter doesn’t even say you have to eat all of it yourself.’<br />
‘And it’s a good thing it doesn’t,’ Yossarian told him, ‘because I never eat any of it. I<br />
have a liver condition.’<br />
‘Oh, yes, I forgot,’ said Milo, in a voice lowered deferentially. ‘Is it bad?’<br />
‘Just bad enough,’ Yossarian answered cheerfully.<br />
‘I see,’ said Milo. ‘What does that mean?’<br />
‘It means that it couldn’t be better…’<br />
‘I don’t think I understand.’<br />
‘…without being worse. Now do you see?’<br />
‘Yes, now I see. But I still don’t think I understand.’<br />
‘Well, don’t let it trouble you. Let it trouble me. You see, I don’t really have a liver<br />
condition. I’ve just got the symptoms. I have a Garnett-Fleischaker syndrome.’<br />
‘I see,’ said Milo. ‘And what is a Garnett-Fleischaker syndrome?’<br />
‘A liver condition.’<br />
‘I see,’ said Milo, and began massaging his black eyebrows together wearily with an<br />
expression of interior pain, as though waiting for some stinging discomfort he was<br />
experiencing to go away. ‘In that case,’ he continued finally, ‘I suppose you do have to<br />
be very careful about what you eat, don’t you?.<br />
‘Very careful indeed,’ Yossarian told him. ‘A good Garnett-Fleischaker syndrome isn’t<br />
easy to come by, and I don’t want to ruin mine. That’s why I never eat any fruit.’<br />
‘Now I do see,’ said Milo. ‘Fruit is bad for your liver?’<br />
‘No, fruit is good for my liver. That’s why I never eat any.’<br />
‘Then what do you do with it?’ demanded Milo, plodding along doggedly through his<br />
mounting confusion to fling out the question burning on his lips. ‘Do you sell it?’<br />
‘I give it away.’<br />
‘To who?’ cried Milo, in a voice cracking with dismay.<br />
‘To anyone who wants it,’ Yossarian shouted back.<br />
Milo let out a long, melancholy wail and staggered back, beads of perspiration popping<br />
out suddenly all over his ashen face. He tugged on his unfortunate mustache absently,<br />
his whole body trembling.