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“Catch-22” <strong>By</strong> <strong>Joseph</strong> Heller 54<br />
‘From now on,’ he said, ‘I don’t want anyone to come in to see me while I’m here. Is<br />
that clear?’<br />
‘Yes, sir,’ said Sergeant Towser. ‘Does that include me?’<br />
‘Yes.’<br />
‘I see. Will that be all?’<br />
‘Yes.’<br />
‘What shall I say to the people who do come to see you while you’re here?’<br />
‘Tell them I’m in and ask them to wait.’<br />
‘Yes, sir. For how long?’<br />
‘Until I’ve left.’<br />
‘And then what shall I do with them?’<br />
‘I don’t care.’<br />
‘May I send them in to see you after you’ve left?’<br />
‘Yes.’<br />
‘But you won’t be here then, will you?’<br />
‘No.’<br />
‘Yes, sir. Will that be all?’<br />
‘Yes.’<br />
‘Yes, sir.’<br />
‘From now on,’ Major Major said to the middle-aged enlisted man who took care of his<br />
trailer, ‘I don’t want you to come here while I’m here to ask me if there’s anything you<br />
can do for me. Is that clear?’<br />
‘Yes, sir,’ said the orderly. ‘When should I come here to find out if there’s anything you<br />
want me to do for you?’<br />
‘When I’m not here.’<br />
‘Yes, sir. And what should I do?’<br />
‘Whatever I tell you to.’<br />
‘But you won’t be here to tell me. Will you?’<br />
‘No.’<br />
‘Then what should I do?’<br />
‘Whatever has to be done.’<br />
‘Yes, sir.’<br />
‘That will be all,’ said Major Major.<br />
‘Yes, sir,’ said the orderly. ‘Will that be all?’<br />
‘No,’ said Major Major. ‘Don’t come in to clean, either. Don’t come in for anything<br />
unless you’re sure I’m not here.’<br />
‘Yes, sir. But how can I always be sure?’<br />
‘If you’re not sure, just assume that I am here and go away until you are sure. Is that<br />
clear?’<br />
‘Yes, sir.’<br />
‘I’m sorry to have to talk to you in this way, but I have to. Goodbye.’<br />
‘Goodbye, sir.’<br />
‘And thank you. For everything.’<br />
‘Yes, sir.’<br />
‘From now on,’ Major Major said to Milo Minderbinder, ‘I’m not going to come to the<br />
mess hall any more. I’ll have all my meals brought to me in my trailer.’<br />
‘I think that’s a good idea, sir,’ Milo answered. ‘Now I’ll be able to serve you special<br />
dishes that the others will never know about. I’m sure you’ll enjoy them. Colonel<br />
Cathcart always does.’<br />
‘I don’t want any special dishes. I want exactly what you serve all the other officers.<br />
Just have whoever brings it knock once on my door and leave the tray on the step. Is<br />
that clear?’<br />
‘Yes, sir,’ said Milo. ‘That’s very clear. I’ve got some live Maine lobsters hidden away<br />
that I can serve you tonight with an excellent Roquefort salad and two frozen<br />
éclairs that were smuggled out of Paris only yesterday together with an