Introduction to Mindfulness - Dean Amory

3. Relationship
The third phase of MMT, after Recognition and Reframing is the
most important step of forming a Relationship with the internal feltsense
of the emotional reaction. Let us explore this in more detail.
Once you have recognized a reaction and made it into an object that
you can see and experience, then you begin to see the emotional
reaction as an object to be investigated and known in its own right,
rather than getting entangled in the storyline of the emotion, which is
our usual tendency. The storyline may be very compelling and you
may feel very offended or hurt, but indulging in negative, emotionally
charged thinking is seldom an effective tool for resolving emotional
conflict, internally or externally. This is the first function of
mindfulness: learning to recognize a reaction, seeing it as an object
and not getting seduced into further reactivity.
The Mindfulness Based Relationship
The kind of relationship that we cultivate in MMT is called the
Mindfulness Based Relationship. This relationship has certain unique
qualities.
The first and most important quality is non-reactivity.
By learning to recognize reactivity, we can stop the tendency to
proliferate further reactivity in the form of reactive thinking, or
further emotional reactions of aversion and displeasure.
The second quality is caring.
The second characteristic of the mindfulness-based relationship is
about opening our heart and mind and developing a quality of
genuine caring towards the inner pain of our anger or resentment.
Instead of turning away, we turn towards our suffering or the
suffering of others. This does not mean that we indulge in feeling
63