perfectionism and - Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation

6/14/13
Dealing with Arguments
• Ra@onal debates over risk and uncertainty
– Don’t engage in debates or arguments
• This is essen@ally doing a ritual
– Summarize the discussion
– The partner could be correct, but rather than taking it for
granted, put it to the test
– Recognize that his or her decision is difficult and that fear
plays a large role
Defusing Arguments over OCD
• “Remember that we agreed on this decision. I
hope you’ll hold up your end of the bargain.”
• “You’re right. Something bad could happen, and I
can’t convince you that it won’t. But if we never
took any risks, we’d never have a normal life
together. This is about helping you live with
normal risks.”
• “It looks like you’re having a lot of trouble right
now. I understand that it’s very hard for you.”
• Share thoughts and feelings (as described earlier)
Helpful vs. Hurjul Partner Behaviors
• Characteris@cs of a helpful partner
– Considerate, sensi@ve, op@mis@c
– Warm and thoughjul, nonjudgmental
– Willing to challenge or confront OCD in a construc=ve way
• Characteris@cs of an unhelpful partner
– Pessimis@c, sarcas@c
– Highly cri@cal, antagonis@c
– Smothering, overbearing, overly involved
What if my Partner Doesn’t want to
Change
• Share thoughts and feelings together
• Seek assistance from an OCD expert individually
• Consider couples therapy
– For OCD
– General rela@onship distress
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