Bailey.Academic_Writing

1.16 Rewriting and Proof-reading 61
In conclusion, British teaching methods give students
more chance to know the subject thoroughly compared to
Japanese teaching methods, but Japanese methods are
suitable for students who are eager to gain a wide range
of knowledge and like to study on their own. It is hard to
say which is better, it depends on students.
3. A careful re-reading of the essay would suggest the following
points.
a) The essay only partly answers the title. It looks at
university life from a student’s position, but does not
really deal with the ‘system’ as a whole. The last line of the
conclusion discusses a question not asked in the title.
b) To deal with the subject more fully the writer needs to
examine topics such as length of courses, funding of
students and admission procedures. If there is not space to
discuss these in detail they must be at least mentioned, to
show that the writer is aware that they are central to the
subject.
c) The introduction needs to be more general. It goes straight
to a comparison of teaching methods. This could be in
the main body. Otherwise the essay is well organised and
quite logical.