English - Ontario Association of Children's Aid Societies

flag situations arise from rigid expectations about how things should be. Change your
expectations. Allow yourself not to have to be in control. List at least one alternative
for each red flag situation.
Alternatives for Physical Cues: Learn how to relax. It is a skill most men have never
learned, and you can use it before you build up, during an argument, or during your
time-out. Get a book or a tape on how to relax. If you pace, then sit down or go for
a walk. If you breathe fast, take slow, deep breaths. Relax your jaw. Put your hands
behind your back or in your pockets. List your alternatives to your physical cues.
Alternatives for Negative Self-Talk: Positive self-talk is what you can say to yourself
to change your destructive thoughts and actions. It is not talking about things she can
do to make things better for you. It is about you figuring out how to improve the
situation. Positive self-talk de-escalates and is calming, in contrast to negative
self-talk.
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