Unexpected Freedom

Truly Comfortablepreferences for the sake of understanding, so that we can findfreedom from them. We might not manage to change ourpreferences, but we find a freedom from being driven by them.I would prefer that the world be harmonious and thateverybody got on with everyone else. The reality is thatthere is a lot of conflict. My preference is frustrated, but doesthat mean that I have to fall into despair? If I do fall intodespair, from the Buddha’s perspective, that’s the result ofan ignorant way of relating to preferences. A wise way ofrelating would mean that we still feel sadness anddisappointment, but they do not obstruct inner clarity andcalm. Our discernment is not compromised; our capacityfor contemplating the predicament we’re in is notcompromised by the way we feel.When we have truly settled into practice and internalisedthis principle of training ourselves to go against ourpreferences, we don’t approach life looking for it to beagreeable or perceive it as a failure because it isdisagreeable. We don’t approach our meditation expectingit to be pleasant. If we go on retreat and we don’t have theprofound insights we hoped for, we won’t feel the retreat tobe a failure. When our relationships feel strained and we’renot getting on with each other, we won’t say it’s all goingwrong. We feel pain, and this is disagreeable, but to thinkthat there is anything wrong with this is to add somethingunnecessary to the experience. It might be painful, but if wehave a willingness to approach that pain with interest, tochallenge our preferences, then from the Buddha’sperspective we’re on the path that leads to understanding.There is a happiness that comes from seeing throughsomething that used to appear threatening. When youexperience a clarity that is born of understanding that desireis not the way it appears to be, that pain is not the way it117