Unexpected Freedom

Unexpected Freedomshared commitment to a celibate renunciate lifestyle, and tosupport each other in their efforts.If we have adequately prepared ourselves with strengthof mindfulness and steadiness of samadhi, along with the selfrespectthat comes with sense-restraint and moral conduct,then we can embrace the energetic reality of loneliness.Instead of thinking, ‘I feel lonely, what can I do to get rid ofthis feeling of loneliness? I’ll write an e-mail, read a book, orring somebody up,’ we open up to receive – without anyjudgment or analysis – the feeling of loneliness. To beencouraged to do that is a wonderful thing and is very mucha part of what the spiritual community is about.As a householder or a layperson it is not necessarily thecase that you will be forced to confront loneliness in thesame manner as a monk or nun will be. Living with a partnerin a committed relationship, for example – in many caseswith children as well – brings a very different experiencealtogether. Assuming that such a relationship is notdestructive or dysfunctional, there will be a sense ofcompanionship – close, intimate companionship. Since thelast close intimate companionship I had was about thirtyyears ago, there is little I can say about that. But from whatpeople tell me, committing to a close relationship doesn’tprotect anyone from the pain of loneliness. So whatever ourlifestyle choice, all of us who are committed to practice arecalled to go deeply into this experience and find our own wayto a resolution.Personality ShiftsWith regards to changes in personality through practice,nowadays what I see in everybody who is training, whethermonastic or lay person, is a shift in heart towards an160