Unexpected Freedom

Unexpected FreedomAt times I stand by the monastery compost heap andconsciously register how thoroughly unattractive it smells. Ithen go on to reflect how this bad-smelling muck will soonbe giving nourishment and beauty to the garden. Justbecause our hearts manifest in unrefined and unattractiveways, it does not mean we are bad people or that the energyitself should be disposed of. We would be wise to withholdour initial reactions and look deeper.This cultivation is hard at times but it does bring benefits.When I was a young monk someone once threw a tomato atme, and it took several days for me to recover from the hurtfeelings. What I can say now, some years later, is that it takesless time. Not that tomatoes are thrown at me every day, butoccasionally a little abuse is hurled my way. I mention this asan example of what changes. I am not so interested in neverfeeling anger. What is more interesting is being free to ownup to the energy in my reactions and take full responsibilityfor them – not to be driven by them. This is the only energywe have. This is the energy of practice. Our task is to trainso as to be able to recognise this passionate energy for whatit is, not mistaking it as our enemy.To view our passionate nature as something we have toeither indulge in or project out limits the possibilities in life.If, for instance, we have suffered abuse and remain lockedinto the state of resentment, feeling unable to forgive, wesooner or later need to recognise that it is we who are doingthe resentment. One reason we continue to do it is that webelieve that to do so will be beneficial to us. But there is nobenefit, only increased suffering for all involved. Byreviewing this way of approaching resentment withmindfulness and wise contemplation, we can learn towithdraw our investment of energy in it and uncover the firstseeds of forgiveness. To forgive, as we have often heard, does80