Unexpected Freedom

Getting to Know our Emotional Householdfeelings but even good feelings we are not free to feel. Nowthat’s sad.Feelings of guilt, like all emotions, are forms of what wecould call ‘heart-energy’. And when this energy, which in itsnature is dynamic, is denied, it is likely to come out in someextreme or twisted form. What might have been a healthysense of moral shame can thus become a distorted sense ofunworthiness. This peculiarly Western mental obstructionis a complex of anger and fear – a sense of righteous angerdirected towards ourselves in an attempt to feel good byhating ourselves for being bad. And at the same time there isa gut-wrenching fear of eternal hell.The good news, however, is that this whole drama issimply waiting to be received into awareness. With sensitivityand strength of heart born of constant mindfulness practicewe can eventually find a readiness to turn around and meetourselves. What we discover is the wonderful truth that thereisn’t anything to be afraid of – nothing at all other than the lackof well-prepared mindfulness.This line of investigation can be applied to all emotions.If for instance we push down anger, if we’ve been taught that‘good boys and girls don’t get angry’ then we might grow upto be afraid of anger. We can be terrified of something thatis totally natural. That which we experience as anger isactually our own hearts’ energy. It is something that weneed to be intimately familiar with. We need all our energyfor the work of purification. We can’t lock away portions ofour hearts because we find them disagreeable. We can’tafford to entertain feelings of alienation and fear of ourpassionate nature. If such conditioning goes unrecognisedfor too long, the energy – hidden and difficult to uncover –will become toxic.We might have to go through a humiliating outburst of51