Unexpected Freedom

When We Fall in Loveexperience. If we make a contract with each other – two unawakenedpersonalities deciding to collude with thisdelusion – then, when the two of us get together in equallydeluded states, it can feel like one whole.Love and TransformationOften I am asked whether it is possible to deepen practice inthe context of a committed relationship. My hesitation to saymuch about this is not because of a view that progress on thepath towards realisation can only be furthered in the contextof monastic life; such fixed views scare me. But since I don’thave the experience of living in relationship with one otherperson with any degree of long-term commitment, I can’tpresume to know. Just as I wouldn’t rely on someonewithout many years experience to teach me how to live thecelibate renunciate life, I don’t wish to instruct others how tolive their lives as householders, only to encourage askingquestions of themselves. I believe that all of us, whatever ourlifestyle commitment, can use every situation we findourselves in to deepen practice.One thing I have heard from some who view theirpartnership as practice is that there is as much, if not more,to learn from falling out of love as there is to learn fromfalling in love. What is essential is commitment and interestin going beyond the initial high. I have heard various layteachers, who know about this business from their ownexperience, that inevitably every relationship reaches thepoint where at least one of the partners feels, ‘I made thewrong choice.’ And it is precisely at that point that therelationship becomes really interesting as an aspect ofspiritual practice.There are ways of contemplating the dynamic of being61